Chained no more.

As Christians we have two options, we can accept God’s gift of forgiveness and serve in the light of his love or we can deny that gift remaining in the emotional bondage of our sin. For the last 16 years, I chose the second option. I was chained by guilt to a secret which I carried into every aspect of my life. At the age of 21 I was a youth leader at a church in Tallahassee and I was pregnant. I believed the culture around me which said that I had a right to do as I wished with my body and I made a choice to have an abortion. I thought my life would get back to normal, problem solved right? Wrong. I traded a child for shame, guilt, and unworthiness. I was asked to step down from my leadership role at church and felt like a disappointment to those around me. As a result I became angry with God for my circumstances. I did not mind believing in him but I no longer wanted a relationship with him. I would call the shots and he would merely be my co-pilot. I lived this way for many years. In Romans 6:21 Paul asks, what benefit did you reap at that time from the things you are now ashamed of. My guilt and shame were taking me farther from God and closer to hell on earth. However, in verse 22 Paul reminds us we are set free from sin through Christ to serve God and harvest eternal life. Two years ago I finally grew tired of fighting God. I admitted to him I was sinner who could no longer handle my life; I need him to take over. I agreed to step aside and let him guide me. Slowly I began to seek a relationship with him and I felt him direct my feet, step by step. He placed this church with giving and compassionate people in my path. He led me to Christian friends who loved me and accepted me. He placed a pastor in my life who spoke forgiveness over me not judgment. He placed my feet in Ecuador for two years, where I learned I could serve him. Then he showed me the biggest step of all; getting involved with the pregnancy center. I remember sitting in my car in the parking lot of the center thinking, God are you sure? How could I be involved in the ministry of crisis pregnancy after what I had done? Could I, a sinner serve in the very mission field where I failed all those years ago? As crazy as it sounded to me God continued to lead me in that direction. I knew enough about God to know he was not going to rest until I knelt in his will. Through the center I participated in a bible study for post-abortion healing. It changed my life and tied three women to my heart forever. Alongside these women broken by abortion we read the bible, prayed, admitted our sins, cried and found true forgiveness. I now understood God’s sacrifice. I felt him heal the wounds guilt and shame left on my heart with the blood of his son, Jesus. I am loved, forgiven and no longer chained to my sin. I am free to serve him in the only way I know how, helping heal the hearts of those still dealing with the pain of their abortion. He calls us to use the burdens we have carried to help others who come behind us. However, we have to allow God to free us from the things that bind us. To be his vessel we must be empty of that sin. The journey to move from bondage to freedom is difficult and painful but God promises to be with us for every step and luckily for me each tear. Whatever bondage holds you today I pray you will allow God to heal you. He will not give up on you. He will continue to pursue you. He delights in turning our ashes of sin into the beauty of service to his kingdom. I leave you with 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 What a wonderful God we have, he is the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the source of every mercy and the one who so wonderfully comforts and strengthens us in our hardships and trials. And why does he do this? So that when others are troubled needing our sympathy and encouragement, we can pass on to them the same help and comfort God has given us.

These were the words I was blessed to deliver to my church today. What an honor it was to share His message through the example of my life. What a mighty God we serve. A God who can take a quite emotional doormat person and transform her into a strong child of God who stands up for her convictions and the things He wants to do in her life. Amen and Amen.

Am I content?

This morning as I drove to church my thoughts were racing with concerns for friends. I have so many dear friends who are struggling with things in their lives. Some of those friends are dealing with issues that I am aware of and others are strained in secret. I began praying to God for guidance on how to help these friends. I begged Him for a message to give each one; a message that would bring them around and heal their broken heart. A bible verse came to mind Philippians 4:13. As I pulled into the parking lot I could hardly turn the pages fast enough. I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. There was my answer, or so I thought. In my sweet moment of victory I felt the quiet nudge of the Lord saying, that is not it read further. No, Lord I have the answer I do not need to read anymore. Reluctantly, I went up a few verses. I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength. Philippians 4:11-13.
I felt like if God would just give me those magic words of comfort I could make everyone happy and praising the Lord together. However, the answer was not to remind my friends that God’s strength can help them through all they faced. In fact the message was more for me. I had been so concerned for how to solve all these problems and how to bring the peace of God to my friends that I was allowing His peace to leave me. I need to learn that as a child of God and a fellow Christian sister it is not always my task to solve and fix. The Lord wants me to be content in what is happening in my life as well as the lives of those around me. Often times God has lessons for us in the hardships and wisdom in the darkness. In my life lately I have had no problem with those facts but for some reason I want to rob the work of the Lord from my friends. I am thankful today for the sweet voice of God as he teaches me the lessons I need to know and I am content in the knowledge that He will do the same for all His children.

Fishing for God's Will

My husband and I love to camp. We have a travel trailer and we go camping as often as possible. This weekend we are enjoying one of our favorite stops, Holiday Campground. It is a beautiful place to spend time away from the fast pace world and relax. Our first night there I was sitting enjoying the view and decided to go out on the dock, watch the sun set and fish a little before dark. So off I went pole and bait in hand to enjoy a quiet moment alone with my thoughts. I baited my hook tested the drag on my line and casted out into the bay. I spent the next few moments staring with anticipation at the tip of my pole waiting for signs of a bite on the other end. I stared for a while and then began to look at the sunset. Then my eyes traveled to the camper to see what David was doing back at camp. Looking back to the pole I decided to reel it back in and cast again since I had no bites. When I reeled in the line I noticed my hook was empty. I guess some fish had a nice snack and I never knew he was there.
My little fishing expedition had me thinking about my Christian walk and doing God’s will. Often times I feel like I am focused on what He wants me to do but other things take my eyes off of him. I feel God often times does not come to us with lightning bolts and speak instructions for following His will. When fishing you have to be patient and watch the pole for signs of a bite in order to catch the fish. In much the same way if we do not slow down and patiently listen for God‘s quite nods we could miss a blessing He wants us to experience. I pray today that I can remember to slow down and keep my eyes fixed on God. If I can do that I know that He will help me reel in the fish that will bring Him praise!

Going out on an olive limb!

Often times one of the hardest things to do in our Christian walk is to forgive. Things happen in our lives and people hurt us and we allow that hurt to build a wall between our heart and God's will for our life. Recently I have been dealing with breaking down those walls that hate and hurt built. I have been praying that God will reveal to me the things that are holding me back. When you do that He sure does answer and answer. "For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins." Matthew 6:14-15. I followed His word and extended an olive branch and in return I got back a huge thorn bush. I have such a tender heart and I was overcome with confusion. I thought when I followed God's path it would be lined with fresh bold flowers and full of cheerful singing birds. I began to doubt that I had misunderstood what God was telling me to do. Did I take matters into my own hands and go out on an olive limb?

As the days moved on and I began to deal with the reality of the situation I came across a bible verse in a devotion that put this experience into perspective. "This means tremendous joy to you, I know, even though you are temporarily harassed by all kinds of trials and temptations. This is no accident—it happens to prove your faith, which is infinitely more valuable than gold" 1 Peter 1:6-7. Is it not amazing how God works! When I saw this verse I understood that while I was hurting and second quessing myself God was busy taking bricks from that part of my wall and building my character. When we choose to forgive someone we are not always promised to get back a Chrisitan attitude. However God commands us to forgive others so that our Father in heaven can forgive us. I am blessed beyond belief that I am in a place of growth. I still hurt but my suffering replaced by a larger, stronger faith is worth more than wordly comforts.

Finding Common Ground

The morning of our first work day in Ecuador Jan and I had plenty of nervous energy. The second year on this mission trip one would think that we were ready and fearless but we did have plenty of apprehension. The only thing we could picture was last years location. I could see that cement outside playground where we did crafts and read bible stories. However we were not going to that place so what would we find? How would things work? Jan, the definition of a dream Kindergarten teacher commented, "I just want to get into my environment and nest a little" That is exactly what we needed to feel comfortable and ready. We needed a familiar surrounding something to make us feel at home and remind us that God's love is universal no matter your surroundings. That afternoon we received that comfort from the very children we were sent to teach and love. After lunch we were told that the children wanted to perform a song for us. We were all so excited. We gathered outside and found the children lined up military style and at the ready. The music started and they marched and began to sing. Part of the way through the song we all realized they were doing a Spanish version of "A Tooney Ta". (which is a silly song that gets everyone singing and acting silly together.) As I joined in not really knowing the words we were singing I could follow the motions and I understood the intention behind the song. I looked around at every face, all smiles. The children of Ecuador smiling because they were doing something for us and we were joining right in with them. We were smiling because we were just having fun with a familiar event even if we did not understand all the words. At that moment I could not help but see that God's love is the same way. We may not speak the same language or all come from a similar background but when we begin to share Jesus we speak the language of love. God rejoices with us in that moment. For all we need to do is relax and allow Him to work in the situation He places us in. For He is the nest and sharing His love will break all those barriers and allow us to sing and dance together as His children.

I aint missing you at all.

"Every time I think of you, I always catch my breath and I'm still standing here and you're miles away and I'm wondering why you left. And there's a heart that's breaking
down this long distance line tonight. I ain't missing you at all." Tonight the words of the John Waite's 80's song are frozen to my heart. For the past few days my soul has been filled with sorrow. I really could not put my finger on the reason until tonight. A year ago today my Grandmother died.

Mary Wylie was a wonderful God fearing woman who taught me so much about the grace of Jesus Christ. She always had a kind word on her lips and her hand extended in giving. I rejoice in the knowledge that she is with her best friend and Savior, however I mourn for the lost of her daily presence in my life. "He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." (Revelation 21:4) After days of soul searching on my own with no relief I turned to his word and find the comfort for which I had been searching.

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. (John 14:27) How miserable I was trying to find comfort on my own. Waiting for relief from reading, eating, sleeping, filling my schedule or waiting for solutions from friends. We will never find that soul filling comfort from the world, they are truly the devil's distractions. How amazing that God's peace spoke to me through the memory of my Grandmother. She would have pointed out those verses to me. She would have tuned my eyes back onto the bearer of our every burden, Christ our Savior. Physically she is not with me to vocalize her wisdom however she was the vehicle God used to put my feet back on the path.

I do not have to be bogged down in the problems of this world. I do not have to long for the absence of my Grandmother. She is all around me still teaching me how to be a more faithful child of God. In fact God's word reminds me that I will be reunited with my Grandmother one day soon. After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever. (1 Thessalonians 4:17) What a wonderful promise God makes with us. Thank you Grandmama for being there for me today the special one year heavenly anniversary. "I hear your name in certain circles and it always makes me smile, I ain't missing you at all."

My love letter to the Heavenly Father.

Night has fallen quickly today. My thoughts turn just as fast to you. The sun has lays down to sleep and taken with it my cheerful light and warmth. A deep purple is the color of the sky my heart, it's compliment is blue. For without you the sunset is just not the same. The dark shadows of the trees in front of me become a great wall to keep me from my homeland on the other side. Maybe the night does not understand how lonely I feel. That even with every noise, light and shadow to keep me company it is not the same without you. If only your voice could talk to me like the crickets, or touch me as softly as the tree branch that brushes my face. I am no stranger to heartbreak, just an alien to the loneliness. My shadow upon the ground tries to comfort me, but it only seems to be stepping on my toes. The lights dance on the water for me but their rhythm appears distant. Above me a starry sky winks a message that I am not alone. For they tell me you made the blanket of light I gaze upon in silence. But what if they are full of lies and broken promises? Could the heavens be trying to please me for the moment? I wish upon a falling star they are not just protecting my poor heart. The moon appears to be embarrassed and hides behind the shadow of the sun. At least the man on the moon knows my heart can not take a bath in his light without someone to hold my tiny frightened hand. For it is only with you that my heart stops aching and my hand forgets it's shaking.