Going out on an olive limb!

Often times one of the hardest things to do in our Christian walk is to forgive. Things happen in our lives and people hurt us and we allow that hurt to build a wall between our heart and God's will for our life. Recently I have been dealing with breaking down those walls that hate and hurt built. I have been praying that God will reveal to me the things that are holding me back. When you do that He sure does answer and answer. "For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins." Matthew 6:14-15. I followed His word and extended an olive branch and in return I got back a huge thorn bush. I have such a tender heart and I was overcome with confusion. I thought when I followed God's path it would be lined with fresh bold flowers and full of cheerful singing birds. I began to doubt that I had misunderstood what God was telling me to do. Did I take matters into my own hands and go out on an olive limb?

As the days moved on and I began to deal with the reality of the situation I came across a bible verse in a devotion that put this experience into perspective. "This means tremendous joy to you, I know, even though you are temporarily harassed by all kinds of trials and temptations. This is no accident—it happens to prove your faith, which is infinitely more valuable than gold" 1 Peter 1:6-7. Is it not amazing how God works! When I saw this verse I understood that while I was hurting and second quessing myself God was busy taking bricks from that part of my wall and building my character. When we choose to forgive someone we are not always promised to get back a Chrisitan attitude. However God commands us to forgive others so that our Father in heaven can forgive us. I am blessed beyond belief that I am in a place of growth. I still hurt but my suffering replaced by a larger, stronger faith is worth more than wordly comforts.

Finding Common Ground

The morning of our first work day in Ecuador Jan and I had plenty of nervous energy. The second year on this mission trip one would think that we were ready and fearless but we did have plenty of apprehension. The only thing we could picture was last years location. I could see that cement outside playground where we did crafts and read bible stories. However we were not going to that place so what would we find? How would things work? Jan, the definition of a dream Kindergarten teacher commented, "I just want to get into my environment and nest a little" That is exactly what we needed to feel comfortable and ready. We needed a familiar surrounding something to make us feel at home and remind us that God's love is universal no matter your surroundings. That afternoon we received that comfort from the very children we were sent to teach and love. After lunch we were told that the children wanted to perform a song for us. We were all so excited. We gathered outside and found the children lined up military style and at the ready. The music started and they marched and began to sing. Part of the way through the song we all realized they were doing a Spanish version of "A Tooney Ta". (which is a silly song that gets everyone singing and acting silly together.) As I joined in not really knowing the words we were singing I could follow the motions and I understood the intention behind the song. I looked around at every face, all smiles. The children of Ecuador smiling because they were doing something for us and we were joining right in with them. We were smiling because we were just having fun with a familiar event even if we did not understand all the words. At that moment I could not help but see that God's love is the same way. We may not speak the same language or all come from a similar background but when we begin to share Jesus we speak the language of love. God rejoices with us in that moment. For all we need to do is relax and allow Him to work in the situation He places us in. For He is the nest and sharing His love will break all those barriers and allow us to sing and dance together as His children.

I aint missing you at all.

"Every time I think of you, I always catch my breath and I'm still standing here and you're miles away and I'm wondering why you left. And there's a heart that's breaking
down this long distance line tonight. I ain't missing you at all." Tonight the words of the John Waite's 80's song are frozen to my heart. For the past few days my soul has been filled with sorrow. I really could not put my finger on the reason until tonight. A year ago today my Grandmother died.

Mary Wylie was a wonderful God fearing woman who taught me so much about the grace of Jesus Christ. She always had a kind word on her lips and her hand extended in giving. I rejoice in the knowledge that she is with her best friend and Savior, however I mourn for the lost of her daily presence in my life. "He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." (Revelation 21:4) After days of soul searching on my own with no relief I turned to his word and find the comfort for which I had been searching.

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. (John 14:27) How miserable I was trying to find comfort on my own. Waiting for relief from reading, eating, sleeping, filling my schedule or waiting for solutions from friends. We will never find that soul filling comfort from the world, they are truly the devil's distractions. How amazing that God's peace spoke to me through the memory of my Grandmother. She would have pointed out those verses to me. She would have tuned my eyes back onto the bearer of our every burden, Christ our Savior. Physically she is not with me to vocalize her wisdom however she was the vehicle God used to put my feet back on the path.

I do not have to be bogged down in the problems of this world. I do not have to long for the absence of my Grandmother. She is all around me still teaching me how to be a more faithful child of God. In fact God's word reminds me that I will be reunited with my Grandmother one day soon. After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever. (1 Thessalonians 4:17) What a wonderful promise God makes with us. Thank you Grandmama for being there for me today the special one year heavenly anniversary. "I hear your name in certain circles and it always makes me smile, I ain't missing you at all."

My love letter to the Heavenly Father.

Night has fallen quickly today. My thoughts turn just as fast to you. The sun has lays down to sleep and taken with it my cheerful light and warmth. A deep purple is the color of the sky my heart, it's compliment is blue. For without you the sunset is just not the same. The dark shadows of the trees in front of me become a great wall to keep me from my homeland on the other side. Maybe the night does not understand how lonely I feel. That even with every noise, light and shadow to keep me company it is not the same without you. If only your voice could talk to me like the crickets, or touch me as softly as the tree branch that brushes my face. I am no stranger to heartbreak, just an alien to the loneliness. My shadow upon the ground tries to comfort me, but it only seems to be stepping on my toes. The lights dance on the water for me but their rhythm appears distant. Above me a starry sky winks a message that I am not alone. For they tell me you made the blanket of light I gaze upon in silence. But what if they are full of lies and broken promises? Could the heavens be trying to please me for the moment? I wish upon a falling star they are not just protecting my poor heart. The moon appears to be embarrassed and hides behind the shadow of the sun. At least the man on the moon knows my heart can not take a bath in his light without someone to hold my tiny frightened hand. For it is only with you that my heart stops aching and my hand forgets it's shaking.

Weighed Down.

Tonight I feel weighed down. It is actually a feeling that I have been really struggling with lately. I have to admit it makes me feel like a failure as a Christian. As Christians we are to know that He will bear our burdens. We are to be joyful and praise Him in the storm. However, right now that knowledge is mere words on a page.
My mind is a tangled mess of worry. However, I do not worry about my life or my path for God is in control of me. My weight comes from around me. My heart breaks for the lonely teeage girl who cuts to ease her pain. My heart breaks for the friend who battles depression and sees no help. My heart breaks for two newlyweds who love each other but are seperated by the rubble of their family. My heart breaks for the family who have lost a son with no warning and no opportunity to say goodbye. My heart wants to sing of the grace and forgiveness that the Lord offers. But will the world hear it? Am I worthy to even sing that song?
Driving home from church tonight my stomach was a knot of sickness. The heart in my chest was so heavy I could no longer hold it up. As my mind tried to focus through the haze of worry the words on the radio lifted the fog. "Time for a milestone, time to begin again. Revaluate who I really am. Am I doing everything to follow your will or just climbing aimlessly over these hills. So show me what it is you want from me. I give everything I surrender. It's time to face up. Clean this old house. Time breathe in and let everything out."
Suddenly it all made since. I was allowing the devil to get a foothold. The devil wants me to feel like a failure when I doubt and worry. The devil wants me to take other's problems on as my own and in turn be overburdened and dejected. You see the devil wants me to feel unworthy to share God's message with those who are in the storm. "For the joy of the Lord is your strength and stronghold"(Nehemiah 8:10)

"Whatever you're doing inside of me; It feels like chaos but now I can see this something bigger than me. Larger than life something heavenly."

Conquering Son

Before the dawn

Robed in a white sheet He

Escaped the bitter winter

A broken body

Defeated by the summer


A candle burns

Now in the window for sinner

Darkness is a memory


Water will no longer satisfy

Ice melts with this fallen leaf

Nourishing blood brings

Eternal forgiving spring.


On this Easter Sunday may we all remember the sacrifice made for us. My our hearts of ice be melted into a heart like Jesus. The defeat of Good Friday has been over shadowed by the miracle of Easter morning. Our amazing and loving Lord has given us the undeserved gift of rebirth into eternal life. Praise God!

Are you thirsty?

On a typical Florida summer day, melting under the roasting sun, I drag myself to the refrigerator searching for some liquid relief. The first thing that catches my eye is a frosty silver can of diet coke. I pop the top and drain the can in three long gulps. The bubbles cool my throat instantly and I feel my thirst quenched. My face cuddles with the can as the cool wet metal merges with my hot perspiration. I collapse in the nearest chair feeling my body temperature return to normal as I release satisfaction through a deep sigh. Resting there for a moment a new thought rears it's head.......I am still thirsty!

Jesus, early in his ministry traveled through Samaria and encountered a woman at the well drawing water. She was at that well gathering water for her thirst, as she did everyday. For her this action was just a chore she performed often. That day Jesus would use that simple chore to satisfy the woman's eternal thirst. The two exchange conversation and Jesus points out the uncomfortable, sinful life the woman has been living. The woman hears about the living water that is offered from a Messiah which she awaits. He reveals Himself to her as the awaited one and her eyes are opened. She leaves her water vessel and returns to town telling others about the Man who knew her better than she knew herself.

This story from John 4:1-42 was the basis for the most moving and real sermon I have ever experienced. My pastor weaved this encounter into an example of the shortcomings we face as Christians immersed in the material world. He pointed out that this woman, like many of us, had been satisfying her thirst in all the wrong ways. The life she was living was not fulfilling and caused her to return to drink time after time. Jesus offered her living water, His grace and love would fill those empty places which to her seemed unquenchable. Often times as Christians was are trying the fill the holes in our souls with worldly things. What we often miss is that those things only claw at our soul making craters out of pot holes. Jesus wants us to come to Him for our needs. God sent His son to us to fill the craters in our souls with His love and unconditional grace.

Anyone, especially my mother, would tell me the best thing for a thirst is water. Even though that diet coke seems to cool my face and wet my throat it does not quench my thirst. It only brings me back to the refrigerator wanting and needing something else. My hope is that we will all remember when hot to drink the water that will satisfy; and when faced with the holes in our soul welcome Jesus' eternal sacrifice of grace.