Shades of Hope

We were newly married and David was working the late night shift at a cremation organization. He was worried about leaving me alone in a city neither of us was sure of just yet. I needed some companionship and something to care for as David worked and attended school. Bettis was the best of both worlds. He offered protection and comfort in a place so far from home. The years went on and Bettis traveled with us from the waters of St. Petersburg to Ocala’s horse country and back to the rolling hills of Tallahassee. At four years old he was surprised with a dog, Bradshaw, to call his own. Even though that black lab mix was young, full of energy and sharp puppy teeth Bettis was a perfect brother. He had the ability to enjoy playing with him but also corrected him with love when he misbehaved. David had a buddy who slept in with him on cold mornings and explored the yard with him on late nights. Bettis curled up next to me when David worked late and understood all my tearful episodes when I was hurting.
But you, O Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness. (Psalm 86:15) This verse speaks of the character of God. He loves us no matter what and constantly offers us his grace and faithfulness. This verse also to me speaks of the God in my dog. I believe that we can learn about God’s character from the four legged dogs which capture our hearts. A harsh bark he never gave us and even after we showed him irritation he returned with a tail wag and lick of love. We were always greeted at the door when we returned home, no matter how long we had been gone. He offered us all of himself regardless of the fact we gave him the same meal day after day. His devotion was endless and his warm company always present. Bettis presented us with shades of hope when the world was so cold and dark.
Those who have cherished a pet will understand the words in this blog. Bettis was our four legged, eleven and a half year old child who brought so much joy to our lives. In the last few months we learned Bettis had a tumor on his lung and David and I knew that his days with us were numbered. His breathing became difficult for him and his brown eyes searched ours for a reason for his hurting. Unselfishly and with great difficulty we sent him to run and play in the perfect fields of heaven. I held his pure white face and looked into his weary eyes as he eased into a ceaselessly slumber. Stroking his head and speaking assurance to him I flashed back to all the years he gave us. Bettis loved David and me with endless devotion however God loved us so much he sent his son. Bettis was always agreeable with our decisions; God constantly stands next to us no matter our choices. Bettis made us feel safe; God grants us protection from evil’s destruction. I knew at that moment I had seen a glimpse of my creator in a solid white American bull dog. Tonight as my heart aches for the tenderness of my loyal friend I can praise God for the life we shared and the gift of God’s nature within my dog.

Chained no more.

As Christians we have two options, we can accept God’s gift of forgiveness and serve in the light of his love or we can deny that gift remaining in the emotional bondage of our sin. For the last 16 years, I chose the second option. I was chained by guilt to a secret which I carried into every aspect of my life. At the age of 21 I was a youth leader at a church in Tallahassee and I was pregnant. I believed the culture around me which said that I had a right to do as I wished with my body and I made a choice to have an abortion. I thought my life would get back to normal, problem solved right? Wrong. I traded a child for shame, guilt, and unworthiness. I was asked to step down from my leadership role at church and felt like a disappointment to those around me. As a result I became angry with God for my circumstances. I did not mind believing in him but I no longer wanted a relationship with him. I would call the shots and he would merely be my co-pilot. I lived this way for many years. In Romans 6:21 Paul asks, what benefit did you reap at that time from the things you are now ashamed of. My guilt and shame were taking me farther from God and closer to hell on earth. However, in verse 22 Paul reminds us we are set free from sin through Christ to serve God and harvest eternal life. Two years ago I finally grew tired of fighting God. I admitted to him I was sinner who could no longer handle my life; I need him to take over. I agreed to step aside and let him guide me. Slowly I began to seek a relationship with him and I felt him direct my feet, step by step. He placed this church with giving and compassionate people in my path. He led me to Christian friends who loved me and accepted me. He placed a pastor in my life who spoke forgiveness over me not judgment. He placed my feet in Ecuador for two years, where I learned I could serve him. Then he showed me the biggest step of all; getting involved with the pregnancy center. I remember sitting in my car in the parking lot of the center thinking, God are you sure? How could I be involved in the ministry of crisis pregnancy after what I had done? Could I, a sinner serve in the very mission field where I failed all those years ago? As crazy as it sounded to me God continued to lead me in that direction. I knew enough about God to know he was not going to rest until I knelt in his will. Through the center I participated in a bible study for post-abortion healing. It changed my life and tied three women to my heart forever. Alongside these women broken by abortion we read the bible, prayed, admitted our sins, cried and found true forgiveness. I now understood God’s sacrifice. I felt him heal the wounds guilt and shame left on my heart with the blood of his son, Jesus. I am loved, forgiven and no longer chained to my sin. I am free to serve him in the only way I know how, helping heal the hearts of those still dealing with the pain of their abortion. He calls us to use the burdens we have carried to help others who come behind us. However, we have to allow God to free us from the things that bind us. To be his vessel we must be empty of that sin. The journey to move from bondage to freedom is difficult and painful but God promises to be with us for every step and luckily for me each tear. Whatever bondage holds you today I pray you will allow God to heal you. He will not give up on you. He will continue to pursue you. He delights in turning our ashes of sin into the beauty of service to his kingdom. I leave you with 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 What a wonderful God we have, he is the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the source of every mercy and the one who so wonderfully comforts and strengthens us in our hardships and trials. And why does he do this? So that when others are troubled needing our sympathy and encouragement, we can pass on to them the same help and comfort God has given us.

These were the words I was blessed to deliver to my church today. What an honor it was to share His message through the example of my life. What a mighty God we serve. A God who can take a quite emotional doormat person and transform her into a strong child of God who stands up for her convictions and the things He wants to do in her life. Amen and Amen.

Am I content?

This morning as I drove to church my thoughts were racing with concerns for friends. I have so many dear friends who are struggling with things in their lives. Some of those friends are dealing with issues that I am aware of and others are strained in secret. I began praying to God for guidance on how to help these friends. I begged Him for a message to give each one; a message that would bring them around and heal their broken heart. A bible verse came to mind Philippians 4:13. As I pulled into the parking lot I could hardly turn the pages fast enough. I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. There was my answer, or so I thought. In my sweet moment of victory I felt the quiet nudge of the Lord saying, that is not it read further. No, Lord I have the answer I do not need to read anymore. Reluctantly, I went up a few verses. I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength. Philippians 4:11-13.
I felt like if God would just give me those magic words of comfort I could make everyone happy and praising the Lord together. However, the answer was not to remind my friends that God’s strength can help them through all they faced. In fact the message was more for me. I had been so concerned for how to solve all these problems and how to bring the peace of God to my friends that I was allowing His peace to leave me. I need to learn that as a child of God and a fellow Christian sister it is not always my task to solve and fix. The Lord wants me to be content in what is happening in my life as well as the lives of those around me. Often times God has lessons for us in the hardships and wisdom in the darkness. In my life lately I have had no problem with those facts but for some reason I want to rob the work of the Lord from my friends. I am thankful today for the sweet voice of God as he teaches me the lessons I need to know and I am content in the knowledge that He will do the same for all His children.

Fishing for God's Will

My husband and I love to camp. We have a travel trailer and we go camping as often as possible. This weekend we are enjoying one of our favorite stops, Holiday Campground. It is a beautiful place to spend time away from the fast pace world and relax. Our first night there I was sitting enjoying the view and decided to go out on the dock, watch the sun set and fish a little before dark. So off I went pole and bait in hand to enjoy a quiet moment alone with my thoughts. I baited my hook tested the drag on my line and casted out into the bay. I spent the next few moments staring with anticipation at the tip of my pole waiting for signs of a bite on the other end. I stared for a while and then began to look at the sunset. Then my eyes traveled to the camper to see what David was doing back at camp. Looking back to the pole I decided to reel it back in and cast again since I had no bites. When I reeled in the line I noticed my hook was empty. I guess some fish had a nice snack and I never knew he was there.
My little fishing expedition had me thinking about my Christian walk and doing God’s will. Often times I feel like I am focused on what He wants me to do but other things take my eyes off of him. I feel God often times does not come to us with lightning bolts and speak instructions for following His will. When fishing you have to be patient and watch the pole for signs of a bite in order to catch the fish. In much the same way if we do not slow down and patiently listen for God‘s quite nods we could miss a blessing He wants us to experience. I pray today that I can remember to slow down and keep my eyes fixed on God. If I can do that I know that He will help me reel in the fish that will bring Him praise!

Going out on an olive limb!

Often times one of the hardest things to do in our Christian walk is to forgive. Things happen in our lives and people hurt us and we allow that hurt to build a wall between our heart and God's will for our life. Recently I have been dealing with breaking down those walls that hate and hurt built. I have been praying that God will reveal to me the things that are holding me back. When you do that He sure does answer and answer. "For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins." Matthew 6:14-15. I followed His word and extended an olive branch and in return I got back a huge thorn bush. I have such a tender heart and I was overcome with confusion. I thought when I followed God's path it would be lined with fresh bold flowers and full of cheerful singing birds. I began to doubt that I had misunderstood what God was telling me to do. Did I take matters into my own hands and go out on an olive limb?

As the days moved on and I began to deal with the reality of the situation I came across a bible verse in a devotion that put this experience into perspective. "This means tremendous joy to you, I know, even though you are temporarily harassed by all kinds of trials and temptations. This is no accident—it happens to prove your faith, which is infinitely more valuable than gold" 1 Peter 1:6-7. Is it not amazing how God works! When I saw this verse I understood that while I was hurting and second quessing myself God was busy taking bricks from that part of my wall and building my character. When we choose to forgive someone we are not always promised to get back a Chrisitan attitude. However God commands us to forgive others so that our Father in heaven can forgive us. I am blessed beyond belief that I am in a place of growth. I still hurt but my suffering replaced by a larger, stronger faith is worth more than wordly comforts.

Finding Common Ground

The morning of our first work day in Ecuador Jan and I had plenty of nervous energy. The second year on this mission trip one would think that we were ready and fearless but we did have plenty of apprehension. The only thing we could picture was last years location. I could see that cement outside playground where we did crafts and read bible stories. However we were not going to that place so what would we find? How would things work? Jan, the definition of a dream Kindergarten teacher commented, "I just want to get into my environment and nest a little" That is exactly what we needed to feel comfortable and ready. We needed a familiar surrounding something to make us feel at home and remind us that God's love is universal no matter your surroundings. That afternoon we received that comfort from the very children we were sent to teach and love. After lunch we were told that the children wanted to perform a song for us. We were all so excited. We gathered outside and found the children lined up military style and at the ready. The music started and they marched and began to sing. Part of the way through the song we all realized they were doing a Spanish version of "A Tooney Ta". (which is a silly song that gets everyone singing and acting silly together.) As I joined in not really knowing the words we were singing I could follow the motions and I understood the intention behind the song. I looked around at every face, all smiles. The children of Ecuador smiling because they were doing something for us and we were joining right in with them. We were smiling because we were just having fun with a familiar event even if we did not understand all the words. At that moment I could not help but see that God's love is the same way. We may not speak the same language or all come from a similar background but when we begin to share Jesus we speak the language of love. God rejoices with us in that moment. For all we need to do is relax and allow Him to work in the situation He places us in. For He is the nest and sharing His love will break all those barriers and allow us to sing and dance together as His children.

I aint missing you at all.

"Every time I think of you, I always catch my breath and I'm still standing here and you're miles away and I'm wondering why you left. And there's a heart that's breaking
down this long distance line tonight. I ain't missing you at all." Tonight the words of the John Waite's 80's song are frozen to my heart. For the past few days my soul has been filled with sorrow. I really could not put my finger on the reason until tonight. A year ago today my Grandmother died.

Mary Wylie was a wonderful God fearing woman who taught me so much about the grace of Jesus Christ. She always had a kind word on her lips and her hand extended in giving. I rejoice in the knowledge that she is with her best friend and Savior, however I mourn for the lost of her daily presence in my life. "He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." (Revelation 21:4) After days of soul searching on my own with no relief I turned to his word and find the comfort for which I had been searching.

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. (John 14:27) How miserable I was trying to find comfort on my own. Waiting for relief from reading, eating, sleeping, filling my schedule or waiting for solutions from friends. We will never find that soul filling comfort from the world, they are truly the devil's distractions. How amazing that God's peace spoke to me through the memory of my Grandmother. She would have pointed out those verses to me. She would have tuned my eyes back onto the bearer of our every burden, Christ our Savior. Physically she is not with me to vocalize her wisdom however she was the vehicle God used to put my feet back on the path.

I do not have to be bogged down in the problems of this world. I do not have to long for the absence of my Grandmother. She is all around me still teaching me how to be a more faithful child of God. In fact God's word reminds me that I will be reunited with my Grandmother one day soon. After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever. (1 Thessalonians 4:17) What a wonderful promise God makes with us. Thank you Grandmama for being there for me today the special one year heavenly anniversary. "I hear your name in certain circles and it always makes me smile, I ain't missing you at all."

My love letter to the Heavenly Father.

Night has fallen quickly today. My thoughts turn just as fast to you. The sun has lays down to sleep and taken with it my cheerful light and warmth. A deep purple is the color of the sky my heart, it's compliment is blue. For without you the sunset is just not the same. The dark shadows of the trees in front of me become a great wall to keep me from my homeland on the other side. Maybe the night does not understand how lonely I feel. That even with every noise, light and shadow to keep me company it is not the same without you. If only your voice could talk to me like the crickets, or touch me as softly as the tree branch that brushes my face. I am no stranger to heartbreak, just an alien to the loneliness. My shadow upon the ground tries to comfort me, but it only seems to be stepping on my toes. The lights dance on the water for me but their rhythm appears distant. Above me a starry sky winks a message that I am not alone. For they tell me you made the blanket of light I gaze upon in silence. But what if they are full of lies and broken promises? Could the heavens be trying to please me for the moment? I wish upon a falling star they are not just protecting my poor heart. The moon appears to be embarrassed and hides behind the shadow of the sun. At least the man on the moon knows my heart can not take a bath in his light without someone to hold my tiny frightened hand. For it is only with you that my heart stops aching and my hand forgets it's shaking.

Weighed Down.

Tonight I feel weighed down. It is actually a feeling that I have been really struggling with lately. I have to admit it makes me feel like a failure as a Christian. As Christians we are to know that He will bear our burdens. We are to be joyful and praise Him in the storm. However, right now that knowledge is mere words on a page.
My mind is a tangled mess of worry. However, I do not worry about my life or my path for God is in control of me. My weight comes from around me. My heart breaks for the lonely teeage girl who cuts to ease her pain. My heart breaks for the friend who battles depression and sees no help. My heart breaks for two newlyweds who love each other but are seperated by the rubble of their family. My heart breaks for the family who have lost a son with no warning and no opportunity to say goodbye. My heart wants to sing of the grace and forgiveness that the Lord offers. But will the world hear it? Am I worthy to even sing that song?
Driving home from church tonight my stomach was a knot of sickness. The heart in my chest was so heavy I could no longer hold it up. As my mind tried to focus through the haze of worry the words on the radio lifted the fog. "Time for a milestone, time to begin again. Revaluate who I really am. Am I doing everything to follow your will or just climbing aimlessly over these hills. So show me what it is you want from me. I give everything I surrender. It's time to face up. Clean this old house. Time breathe in and let everything out."
Suddenly it all made since. I was allowing the devil to get a foothold. The devil wants me to feel like a failure when I doubt and worry. The devil wants me to take other's problems on as my own and in turn be overburdened and dejected. You see the devil wants me to feel unworthy to share God's message with those who are in the storm. "For the joy of the Lord is your strength and stronghold"(Nehemiah 8:10)

"Whatever you're doing inside of me; It feels like chaos but now I can see this something bigger than me. Larger than life something heavenly."

Conquering Son

Before the dawn

Robed in a white sheet He

Escaped the bitter winter

A broken body

Defeated by the summer


A candle burns

Now in the window for sinner

Darkness is a memory


Water will no longer satisfy

Ice melts with this fallen leaf

Nourishing blood brings

Eternal forgiving spring.


On this Easter Sunday may we all remember the sacrifice made for us. My our hearts of ice be melted into a heart like Jesus. The defeat of Good Friday has been over shadowed by the miracle of Easter morning. Our amazing and loving Lord has given us the undeserved gift of rebirth into eternal life. Praise God!

Are you thirsty?

On a typical Florida summer day, melting under the roasting sun, I drag myself to the refrigerator searching for some liquid relief. The first thing that catches my eye is a frosty silver can of diet coke. I pop the top and drain the can in three long gulps. The bubbles cool my throat instantly and I feel my thirst quenched. My face cuddles with the can as the cool wet metal merges with my hot perspiration. I collapse in the nearest chair feeling my body temperature return to normal as I release satisfaction through a deep sigh. Resting there for a moment a new thought rears it's head.......I am still thirsty!

Jesus, early in his ministry traveled through Samaria and encountered a woman at the well drawing water. She was at that well gathering water for her thirst, as she did everyday. For her this action was just a chore she performed often. That day Jesus would use that simple chore to satisfy the woman's eternal thirst. The two exchange conversation and Jesus points out the uncomfortable, sinful life the woman has been living. The woman hears about the living water that is offered from a Messiah which she awaits. He reveals Himself to her as the awaited one and her eyes are opened. She leaves her water vessel and returns to town telling others about the Man who knew her better than she knew herself.

This story from John 4:1-42 was the basis for the most moving and real sermon I have ever experienced. My pastor weaved this encounter into an example of the shortcomings we face as Christians immersed in the material world. He pointed out that this woman, like many of us, had been satisfying her thirst in all the wrong ways. The life she was living was not fulfilling and caused her to return to drink time after time. Jesus offered her living water, His grace and love would fill those empty places which to her seemed unquenchable. Often times as Christians was are trying the fill the holes in our souls with worldly things. What we often miss is that those things only claw at our soul making craters out of pot holes. Jesus wants us to come to Him for our needs. God sent His son to us to fill the craters in our souls with His love and unconditional grace.

Anyone, especially my mother, would tell me the best thing for a thirst is water. Even though that diet coke seems to cool my face and wet my throat it does not quench my thirst. It only brings me back to the refrigerator wanting and needing something else. My hope is that we will all remember when hot to drink the water that will satisfy; and when faced with the holes in our soul welcome Jesus' eternal sacrifice of grace.

I know you are near.

It always seemed like I was alone with Him but there were others around. These well worn pine pews are as comfortable and strong as I imagined His arms would be. Knelt with closed eyes I heard sweet and angelic voices around me lifting up prayers to Him through song. It was in this historic chapel on a shaded canopy Tallahassee road that God came to meet me every Wednesday evening of my collegiate spiritual journey. Never in any other place had I felt closer to God. It was in that place that I was just His child. There were no intentions of sin and no spiritual expectations. I simply came to sit for a moment and be with my Father, Yahweh.

That place has been a faint memory a small bend in the trail through life. Back then the smells, sights and sounds were so real that I took them for granted. I never realized that place would not always be a part of my life. My confession is that I have not thought of that place since that last time I left, 16 years ago. Peering through a misty curtain of tears I turned from that chapel griping tightly the pain inflicted on my spirit there by a man of God. Strangely the past Friday night I was transported back there, a prodigal come home to the feast.

Dan Schutte came to our church for a weekend of music. Friday evening we gathered in our sanctuary to sing, worship and learn more about Dan and his gifts from God. I was moved by so many songs. Lyrics so rooted in scripture which whispered to my soul. "Yahweh, I know you are near standing always at my side" Those words that tune. As I closed my eyes and melted into that moment I was back in that chapel. I could feel that old worn wood pew, I could smell that scent of incense, and I felt Him slide in next to me. The words spilled out of my mouth like an childhood friend. I was 20 years old again and I was "daddy's little girl". My cheeks ached from the large smile that was now camped across my face. My opened hands rested on my knees and I felt His fingers brush across mine. By His own miracle I was reminded of those days when my realtionship with Him was young. I never thought I would be back in that place where I first felt my Lord touch me.

It was in that moment that I realized; as special a place as that chapel was in my past He was still near. God showed my that even though I was not physically in that chapel I am always merely a moment away from that feeling. My Lord's arms are strong and comfortable and there is no where I can go that will ever seperate me from His love. Thanks be to God.

You are my favorite.

Who does not like to feel special? I know where I am concerned I love to feel like I am valued and missed when I am not around. As a child one of things I liked to do the most was visit my Paternal Grandmother. We had a very special relationship and I learned so much about faith and the Lord from her. She had a practice of always making my favorite foods and filling her house with the things I liked the best. After I was engaged I went to spend a weekend with her and almost before I could cross the threshold she was showing off a special set of sheets she bought for the soon to be bride. Grandmama did those types of things often for all of her grandchildren. It was the way she showed us her unconditional love. At her funeral it was said that she always told each of us that we were her favorite. We all knew in our hearts that she was right.

As I think back to my Grandmama's red carpet treatment I am reminded of another who goes out of His way to make us feel special. "In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am." (John 14:2-3) Our heavenly Father sent Jesus so that he could prepare a special place for us, to pave the way for us to follow. He died for our sins so that we would be able to live with Him always. He went to heaven to get things ready for us. I love to think that right now He is getting my "room" ready. Maybe He is fluffing my pillows, arranging my favorite flowers on the bedside table, or filling the heavenly refrigerator with diet coke. Much like my Grandmama, God can not wait for us to come and stay with Him. He is so excited about our visit that He has gone out of His way to prepare a place for us. True to His word when the time is right He will come and take us to the place He has prepare. I can't wait to see the special sheets His has chosen for me.

I think I am in love.

Sunday my pastor's sermon spoke about how we can move from being a would-be disciple to a true disciple. A disciple that would do anything for Jesus and in that action bring others to that same love. He stated that first we have to "fall in love". After that happens it is natural that we order our lives around that love. We have to realize that being in love with God is a sacred love, one that we do with all our heart, mind, soul and strength. In turn His love for us is sacred, unfailing, total and without reserve. Since Sunday I have thought about that sermon a whole lot.

At lunch I got to a part of my book, The Shack, which turned on a light bulb for me. Mack, the character in the book was talking with the trinity about some of the thoughts of God that he has grown up with. For example that we as Christians should put God at the head of our life, first and foremost. God in the book relates a little bit of a different thought to Mack. God says that doing what Mack thinks, puts God at the head of a pyramid and makes God the top on a list of values. God says that is not where he wants to be. God sees it more like He is the center of a mobile. A mobile where everything moves around freely but is still connected to Him in every way. He says, "I want to be at the center of everything. When I live in you, then together we can live through everything that happens to you." Holy V8 moment! That is when the sermon, this book and my place on this journey with God, came together face to face.

I am in LOVE with God. I can not get enough of Him. At times I find that I can't eat, I can't sleep and often I smile just thinking about Him. You are most likely running to the phone to call and get me some professional help. But please before you send the men with the white coat after me understand that I don't care. For I know now that nothing can ever keep me from His love. It is so infectious that I can not wait to lay back and allow His will to come into my life and lead me toward the things that He wants for me. I want to learn everything about Him I want to follow where He leads. All my life He has pursued me. He has never left my side always loving me and seeing in me the child He created. I have spent so much time in my life running from Him and chasing things that I thought made me happy and filled me. However my heart always had an empty spot. I use to think of it as a sad place an area I had damaged forever. Tonight I know that place was empty because He was waiting for me to allow Him to fill that hole. Now that I have He has fix not only the spot but my whole heart. Today is just the beginning and I can't wait for the future. Thanks be to God, my man!

For Us.

Ash Wednesday allows us to step back and prepare to journey with Jesus to the cross. We realize that we are sinners and without God's gift doomed to the dark valley of death. As the ashes were placed on my forehead I thought of all the bad things I have done, and said while I tried to live this life on my own. But the great thing is that we know the end of the story. We are not worthy of His gift. Can you imagine Barabbas and how he felt. He committed a crime and was being punished for his deeds and next to him was this man who was not a criminal but was willing to give His life because God demanded it. The following is a poem which might give some insight into Barabbas and his feelings as he went free and this blameless man took his place. This lent may we all remember our sin and helplessness. May we realize that Jesus came to be our eternal offering.

Forgive them Father.

I am but a thief
set free by them,
Passover my saving grace.

"The King of the Jews
crucify him."
Ignorantly echoed forth.

Climbing Golgotha
the cross His load
tap, tap, tap three nails in place.

The King of the Jews
titled by them
hangs as soldiers cast their lots.

Forgive them Father
I hear Him say
For they know not what they do.

I am Barabbas
set free by Him,
Jesus Christ, my saving grace.

We are fearfully and wonderfully made.

Last Saturday afternoon my husband and I went to see "The Body" exhibit at the Mary Brogan museum. It was something we had heard of years earlier when we were first married and lived in St. Petersburg. We had wanted to go but at that point in was new and the tickets were over one hundred dollars. So now that a similar exhibit came to Tallahasse and the prices were more reasonable we were excited to go. My husband is a funeral director and I knew that it would be very educational to go with him. He would be able to explain things that the literature or the tapes would not. It was such a wonderful opportunity to see the inner workings of the body. You were up close and personal with bones, muscles, organs and the circulatory system. We walked around and talked about things. It was simply amazing. It was like being inside the the inner workings of a factory. All these parts that look like globs or tangled lines worked alone and together in a certain role to make the body move, think and live. As we walked around examining things; looking at things we might never see in that state again I could not stop thinking about my God. What an awesome God. Anyone that has seen that exhibit could not possible deny the existence of God. "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful. I know that full well." Psalms 139:13-14

We are wonderfully made. He knitted together our parts from the smallest to the largest part. He placed life into us. He made all those parts that look like globs or tangled lines function in they way He wanted them to work. Our human body did not just happen it was made by a loving Father who controls our world and loves us more than we could ever imagine. He made perfect bodies to inhabit the world and prepare us for Heaven. One day we will leave our bodies behind and our souls will unite in that perfect place. What an amazing God to create something that is such a complex mystery to us. What an amazing God to breathe life into us and allow the mind He created to have the free will to chose Him or not. We are fearfully and wonderfully made.

To give or not to give.

Giving is often an uncomfortable topic for congregations. I have to admit that I was one of those people. I tried to hold on to my money so tight. I was more than willing to give the church what I felt I could part with. My husband has always been the opposite. He is a financial giver from buying lunch for a friend to stopping at every lemon aid stand and making sure a kid makes something. The differences in he and me I have to admit bothered me greatly. So I asked God to change my heart. I wanted to be not only a giver but a cheerful one. It was not easy and at times it is still not easy. But as the saying goes nothing easy is worthwhile. The great thing is that when we do the things that God asks of us it always ends up blessing us as much as blessing others.
In today's economy I have heard many discuss their fears of salary cut and or lay offs. Many are concerned about how this will effect the Church tithes. I understand that in reality church giving will go down. What I do not understand is why we are not talking about going without cable, cell phones, hair and nail appointments. Is it just easy to cut God off? We are so use to having those things that we have begun to think of them as necessities and not luxury items. I did a search the other day on what the bible has to say about giving and I found one verse that really spoke to me. Malachi 3:10 "Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse. Test me in this, says the Lord Almighty, and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it." Now don't get me wrong I am not saying that a person should give and end up with no money for food or shelter. What I am saying is that in these days will we all have faith in the words of the Lord in Malachi. That we will weight the options and decided what is truly important. For if we hold those luxury items above our duty to God we only belittle the gift He gave us that special Christmas morning. We turn our backs to the innocent man that suffered on the cross to pay the price of our sinfulness.

Lord please touch and change our hearts. Let us give to you the things that are yours in the first place. May we make choices which will bring our hearts more like the heart of Jesus.

Wait for the Lord.

I sat last night and turned to my prayer journal to make some notes. I normally list in the back things people have ask me to pray for and the date on which they asked. It is a great way to remember those people and watch God's faithfulness. In the front I normally write a stream of consciousness prayer for what is on my heart. Last night I added a special prayer for a dear friend who has lots going on with her and her family. I have been praying for her family to surround her with positive love and support. Today this person pulled me aside and with tears in her eyes asked for help and prayers. She is dealing with problems with her health and yet she has no time to concentrate on that because her family is falling apart around her. She is so worried about everyone else. She has a strong faith and relies on God for all her concerns, He is always on her lips. I stood in front of her my heart breaking at the latest news and attempted to make sure she was aware if she did not take care of herself she could not help them. We talked I little bit more. I could feel Him there with us and He totally took over. The next thing I knew we were praying. I say we because it was my voice but His words. It was a beautiful moment and He had prepared me for it last night my placing her family on my heart and prayers. We talked about the victory in God on the other side of the current turmoil. God imparted to the two of us the reminder that He has seen the end and we will celebrate with Him when the time is of His will. I was reminded of Psalm 27:14 "Wait for the Lord, be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord" I fear that she will continue to worry, but I wait for the Lord. I worry that I much like her will take on her needs as my own, but I wait for the Lord. Lord please strengthen us both prepare our hearts to wait for You.

God knows best.

I have been praying for many months for a very close friend of mine. She and I are like sisters in Christ. Last summer I was feeling like the type of friend I was being to her was hurting her rather than helping her. I struggled with what I should do. I always felt a little responsible for her happiness. I knew that many people did not understand her but I saw her through the eyes of God. Some of that was due to the fact that we shared so many silent sins together our life's were very parallel even though we only became friends in the last few years. It is through this sameness that we only kept each other down. I allowed her to stay were she was and I stayed behind her not moving forward myself. So with great faith I pulled back from my old habits and began praying for God to heal her and to show me how to be the friend He wanted me to be for her. For many months I saw no change. Actually things got worse. I feared I needed to step back in and change my approach. But the Lord allowed me to follow His will and continue the prayers. Lately things seem better. She seems more positive and calm. She is less angry and bitter and more loving and charitable. God is so good. At times we all do things that He asks us to and when we do not see the results we expect we begin to doubt. We feel lost in a maze and are not sure we will be able to reach the end. However, if we continue to keep our eyes and ears on Him, we will see the God's will and it is better than we could ever hope.

Even though I walk.

My pastor has been doing a sermon series on Psalm 23. This past Sunday he spoke on verse 4....."Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil for you are with me; your rod and your staff they comfort me." It seems that it is human nature to be scared of death. It is the unknown; it is the dark part of the path we fear. However this verse tells us that God is with us always. We know that he is with us when we see a breath taking sunset or hear the sweet song of a bird. He is also with us in the dark times. I have always felt that God comes to the broken hearted and gives us strength to move on with our life. Pastor added the idea that God is with us in death. It was at that moment that a saw a new picture of that idea painted. One day we would face the dark place where death is kept but our Lord will be there with us. It is at than moment that the darkness with not be able to stand next to His holy light. He comes to take us at that time to be with Him. The place dark place we most fear will become as bright as the morning light and we will know the beauty that our Father has hidden in our souls. Praise be to God for always seeking His children even on walk through that dark valley.

Listen and Obey

There is a quote in the beginning pages of a devotion I have by Joyce Meyer. It simply states......"Peace comes to every situation when we choose to listen to and obey the Lord. We must follow Wisdom to enjoy blessed lives." Tonight I hold that phrase close to my heart. I believe that we often know what God wills for us to do on this earth and we want to do His will. However wanting and doing are two very different things. I have known for a number of years the will for my life, that thing that will take my sin and allow it to become a blessing but I have been to afraid to follow through. Today that changed. The Lord has a way of allowing you to continue to ignore the will while still trying to give you moments to change and truly follow. The road that i face is both exciting and scary. As I picture it now it is a little like Disney with a frightfully dark stormy sky. I look forward to the journey down the road of His will with still a large paralyzing fear of the bend in the road. So if you are reading this please lift up the will of God in my life with prayers. As I settle down tonight to rest my body and soul I rest on His word. "Not with eyeservice, as menpleasers; but as the servants of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart." (Ephesians 6:6)