Shades of Hope

We were newly married and David was working the late night shift at a cremation organization. He was worried about leaving me alone in a city neither of us was sure of just yet. I needed some companionship and something to care for as David worked and attended school. Bettis was the best of both worlds. He offered protection and comfort in a place so far from home. The years went on and Bettis traveled with us from the waters of St. Petersburg to Ocala’s horse country and back to the rolling hills of Tallahassee. At four years old he was surprised with a dog, Bradshaw, to call his own. Even though that black lab mix was young, full of energy and sharp puppy teeth Bettis was a perfect brother. He had the ability to enjoy playing with him but also corrected him with love when he misbehaved. David had a buddy who slept in with him on cold mornings and explored the yard with him on late nights. Bettis curled up next to me when David worked late and understood all my tearful episodes when I was hurting.
But you, O Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness. (Psalm 86:15) This verse speaks of the character of God. He loves us no matter what and constantly offers us his grace and faithfulness. This verse also to me speaks of the God in my dog. I believe that we can learn about God’s character from the four legged dogs which capture our hearts. A harsh bark he never gave us and even after we showed him irritation he returned with a tail wag and lick of love. We were always greeted at the door when we returned home, no matter how long we had been gone. He offered us all of himself regardless of the fact we gave him the same meal day after day. His devotion was endless and his warm company always present. Bettis presented us with shades of hope when the world was so cold and dark.
Those who have cherished a pet will understand the words in this blog. Bettis was our four legged, eleven and a half year old child who brought so much joy to our lives. In the last few months we learned Bettis had a tumor on his lung and David and I knew that his days with us were numbered. His breathing became difficult for him and his brown eyes searched ours for a reason for his hurting. Unselfishly and with great difficulty we sent him to run and play in the perfect fields of heaven. I held his pure white face and looked into his weary eyes as he eased into a ceaselessly slumber. Stroking his head and speaking assurance to him I flashed back to all the years he gave us. Bettis loved David and me with endless devotion however God loved us so much he sent his son. Bettis was always agreeable with our decisions; God constantly stands next to us no matter our choices. Bettis made us feel safe; God grants us protection from evil’s destruction. I knew at that moment I had seen a glimpse of my creator in a solid white American bull dog. Tonight as my heart aches for the tenderness of my loyal friend I can praise God for the life we shared and the gift of God’s nature within my dog.

Chained no more.

As Christians we have two options, we can accept God’s gift of forgiveness and serve in the light of his love or we can deny that gift remaining in the emotional bondage of our sin. For the last 16 years, I chose the second option. I was chained by guilt to a secret which I carried into every aspect of my life. At the age of 21 I was a youth leader at a church in Tallahassee and I was pregnant. I believed the culture around me which said that I had a right to do as I wished with my body and I made a choice to have an abortion. I thought my life would get back to normal, problem solved right? Wrong. I traded a child for shame, guilt, and unworthiness. I was asked to step down from my leadership role at church and felt like a disappointment to those around me. As a result I became angry with God for my circumstances. I did not mind believing in him but I no longer wanted a relationship with him. I would call the shots and he would merely be my co-pilot. I lived this way for many years. In Romans 6:21 Paul asks, what benefit did you reap at that time from the things you are now ashamed of. My guilt and shame were taking me farther from God and closer to hell on earth. However, in verse 22 Paul reminds us we are set free from sin through Christ to serve God and harvest eternal life. Two years ago I finally grew tired of fighting God. I admitted to him I was sinner who could no longer handle my life; I need him to take over. I agreed to step aside and let him guide me. Slowly I began to seek a relationship with him and I felt him direct my feet, step by step. He placed this church with giving and compassionate people in my path. He led me to Christian friends who loved me and accepted me. He placed a pastor in my life who spoke forgiveness over me not judgment. He placed my feet in Ecuador for two years, where I learned I could serve him. Then he showed me the biggest step of all; getting involved with the pregnancy center. I remember sitting in my car in the parking lot of the center thinking, God are you sure? How could I be involved in the ministry of crisis pregnancy after what I had done? Could I, a sinner serve in the very mission field where I failed all those years ago? As crazy as it sounded to me God continued to lead me in that direction. I knew enough about God to know he was not going to rest until I knelt in his will. Through the center I participated in a bible study for post-abortion healing. It changed my life and tied three women to my heart forever. Alongside these women broken by abortion we read the bible, prayed, admitted our sins, cried and found true forgiveness. I now understood God’s sacrifice. I felt him heal the wounds guilt and shame left on my heart with the blood of his son, Jesus. I am loved, forgiven and no longer chained to my sin. I am free to serve him in the only way I know how, helping heal the hearts of those still dealing with the pain of their abortion. He calls us to use the burdens we have carried to help others who come behind us. However, we have to allow God to free us from the things that bind us. To be his vessel we must be empty of that sin. The journey to move from bondage to freedom is difficult and painful but God promises to be with us for every step and luckily for me each tear. Whatever bondage holds you today I pray you will allow God to heal you. He will not give up on you. He will continue to pursue you. He delights in turning our ashes of sin into the beauty of service to his kingdom. I leave you with 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 What a wonderful God we have, he is the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the source of every mercy and the one who so wonderfully comforts and strengthens us in our hardships and trials. And why does he do this? So that when others are troubled needing our sympathy and encouragement, we can pass on to them the same help and comfort God has given us.

These were the words I was blessed to deliver to my church today. What an honor it was to share His message through the example of my life. What a mighty God we serve. A God who can take a quite emotional doormat person and transform her into a strong child of God who stands up for her convictions and the things He wants to do in her life. Amen and Amen.