My Psalm 133

How wonderful when God’s children come together as one. When differences are laid a side to serve others in His name. It lights a spark in each heart where His love can burn and remain. We each bring ourselves like covered dishes to Your banquet. A meal where all have a seat at the table. How glorified is God when we come together hungry and leave united full and satisfied.

My Psalm 132

Lord even in valley I long to worship you. My vow to follow you is true. I will perform each task you have set before me. May I find comfort in You despite what may be happening around me. May everywhere I journey be a place to witness and ponder your awesome authority. Are you pleased with my worship? Are you proud of the steps Your daughter takes daily toward You?  I can hear You say, “I am God and my word is true. I will send your heart a Savior. Follow in His ways and know the glory with each faithful stride. I will settle down deep within your obedient soul. My hands will give you what you need. My water will quince your dry mouth. My words will feed your hungry soul. You will know the tailoring of royal robes not the irritation of stiff garments. Your face will shine with radiance of my love. You will be a dazzling jewel among my creation.”

My Psalm 131

Father I am just like the others; created and loved by You. Help me permit You to speak. I desire to not be underfoot as you work in and through our lives. You are the One who always sustains me when my steps stumble with fatigue.  I am exhausted from fixing things which you continue to tell me are not broken.  Place me in Your lap I need rest. For this life is full of regret and misunderstandings. My hope is in the promises of Your word. I am confident that the joy of Your forgiveness is greater than the shame of what could have been.

My Psalm 130

It is so dark around me, Lord.  Can you hear how I need You?  Even though my eyes can not see a thing I look for You. I know you can see me and I am comforted by the faith I have in Your promises. If You only saw my offenses I would be forever chained to this hollow place. Your greatness is glorified by the grace of forgiveness. I will endure these moments Lord, for I know waiting on you is right. I keep my eyes alert for a hint of my Master’s face. I listen with hope for Your voice. May I find the joys of life in You. I praise You now because I know my redemption is coming. 

My Psalm 129

Many have beaten my spirit with their comments.
Lord do you remember?
For years they judged me by the choices of my past.
But they can never take away my salvation.
They have left gaping wounds on my heart.
But You Lord have healed me with the salve of Your gentle touch.
Give them a taste of their bitterness.
May their heads become heavy with the shame they smeared on mine.
What if they could see their cruel conduct in grand display across their pretty faces.
Lord would they then soften their hearts to seek Your forgiveness?

My Psalm 128

Your path for me is the map to my life's passion. Joy marking each command You have given me. I do not need to pack a bag filled with instructions and reinforcements. You placed in my heart the route to each destination and the strength to continue moving. As I follow You I find my true peace and joy. Your way holds no dead ends or detours, only opportunities for faith. Lord, move my feet to bless each place I pass. May Your glory be the dust that trails behind my feet. I know the work you have set for me. The orders are engraved on my heart. So I praise You God and begin.

My Psalm 127

Woman Carrying Basket of Pomegranetes
by Edwun Longsden Long

All I do apart from you is worthless. Why spend all day attempting something You have not blessed. It would only bring aggravation and leave me exhausted. Lord offer me Your peace at the end of the day. May I rest in what you have completed with my hands.  May each activity of my life shine with Your light. I pray the basket I lay at your feet be filled with the fruit of those who have been encouraged. It is Your message given from my lips. I yearn to help lift Your children closer to you and further away from the dry place of the world. May the rust of shame never reside on the hearts You hold in Your palm.

My Psalm 126

The Sower by Garret Walker

When I look back on my life I can see how you fought for me. I cherish the joy each battle has brought to this journey. My life is a series of moments better than the most impossible dreams and priceless hallelujahs written on my heart. Now when in the midst of trouble or caught in the grasp of doubt, may I rest in the victories of the past and the hope of those to come. I know that Your hand fashioned each step of this journey before I took my first breath. Even when my eyes are filled with tears, You promise songs of joyful praise. May the seeds of repentance planted along my life's path bring forth a harvest of forgiveness in Your sweet time. My prayer to You Father, as I rest in Your nest make me one who in Your will is joyfully blessed.

My Psalm 125

Confident and immovable are the mountains, remaining where you placed them decade after decade.

Regardless of the weather which crashes against their summits they hold steady.

God, Your words are mountains. They surround me with a ring of truth and protection.

Even when the world pelts me with opinions and judgements, solid and steadfast are Your promises.

The enemy may control this emotional world but is banished from Your children's place in eternity.

May that peace stand firm in my desire to make known Your Holy Name.

My Psalm 124

Here I sit dressed in the same old rags as yesterday. Still poking at the ashes I made of my life. How dirty, what filth. How I want to go to the Ball like all the other girls. But I can't go dressed like this? Then the Lord delivered my engraved invitation. You Lord, heard my concerns and gently tended to my needs. You clothed me in the richest gown. I stand with the pile of soot behind me, a reminder of a past burned beyond recognition. You keep no evidence. I made it to the Ball just as my arrival is announced...."Tiffany Page Wylie Conn, daughter to the King of the Most High". Escorted on your arm of transformation midnight is no longer my warden for Your waltz never ends.

My Psalm 123

Embrace by Mari Aaronsouth

Have mercy Lord on me your child. Daily I deal with judgement from the world. I need more of you, My King. Help me surrendar allowing a song to fill my heart. Close my eyes to the things that suround me and my focus to you, My King. As each notes plays to my soul I feel you draw near. Crawling into your lap and I am home. A treasured place in your arms on the throne, My King There I am simply your daughter filling up with the peace only you can bring. No more noise from the world only the beat of my heart as it slows to match Yours, my King. Give me a mission, send me out into Your Kingdom. Permit me to serve you. May I be your faithful servant. Eyes on you I am now ready, willing and relying on You, My King.

My Psalm 122

Let us go into the house of the Lord. A phase both bitter and sweet tell the tales of  my church past and present. From moments of heavenly praise on borrowed time to the whispers of my sin growing in the walls. But I stand at the gate resting on the promises in your city of peace. Lord, please carry me through the door and across the  threshold like Your bride. For I can not stay away any longer. Let me go into the house of the Lord. May I be the change I long to see in your house. May the peace I crave be set in motion with sound of my steps forward. May this city of your hurting children see your life within the bricks and plaster. I feel the rich history relived as each members shares past fellowship. I feel joy watching the games children play between the pews. I hear a sweet melody as mature laughter tangles with the giggles of youth. Life knitted with peace as we worship in your house . I rejoiced when they said to me, Let us go into the house of the Lord!

My Psalm 121

Two Egg Nest by Cari Humphry

I look around for help, who will be there?
My help does not come from the world but from the Lord,
the one who created the heaven and the earth.
He is a great and mighty God both full of power and gentleness.
He is not a cage in which you are kept but a nest where you make a home.
He knows where you are and where you will be and He never rests in His pursuit of you.
He will keep your feet moving at His tempo. The world can not touch you.
God will make sure His creation survives.

My Psalm 120

Lord I am alone and I long for you,
save me from my need to speak and from words that hurt.
You know my voice and see that my heart longs to heal,
but oh how the tounge gets twisted.
You can judge fully and quickly with a punishment we deserve.
Pity my weakness to stay put, my laziness to camp in a bitter place.
My vacation in routine is over.
I must walk in today even if those around me hold tight to yesterday.

The Psalms of Ascent

For the next few posts I will be sharing with you the words God has spoken to my heart through the Psalms of Ascent. I am participating in a bible study where we are looking into these 15 Psalms. (Psalm 120-Psalm 134) Each week we read the Psalm, examine each verse, ask questions, share things that stand out to us and finally pray about each one. In this prayer time we are to place ourselves in a humble position; either on our knees or face down on the floor. We can talk to God. We can sing to Him. We can be silent. Most importantly we are to listen to Him speak to us through each Psalm. The idea is to allow the words of the ancient text to come alive today in our hearts and speak into our lives the words God desires to share. So please enjoy how these Psalms of Ascent speak to me, walking faithfully.

Woman Behold thy Son.

There is something about a mom. For me my mom has been an honest sounding board, a shoulder to cry on and my number one fan. She took care of me before she could hold me in her arms.  She doctored my cuts and bruises growing up. In my teens and early 20’s I am sure she prayed for a manual or a return policy! There were days I thought she was a nosey nag, an old fashioned Sandra Dee and she did not understand me at all. But, regardless of how we have felt for each other on any given day I could not give her away. Our families belong to us; good or bad. Here in John chapter 19 verse 26 and 27 Jesus is transforming Mary’s maternal relationship.

Suffering His last hours nailed to a cross Jesus could not bear the thought of His mother being left widowed and alone. This was the woman who had such strong faith she carried God’s child and cared from Him until His time came to do the Father’s will. In Jesus’ words to Mary, His mother and John, the disciple He loved; the two were set apart and offered to each other. Behold your son. Before today he was simply a disciple, see him differently now. Behold your mother. Before today she was my mother but now you are to honor her in my name as if she was your own. They were joined together, a new family.   At the foot of the cross the Savior was extending the family as we understand it from mere physical mother and son to a spiritual relationship. 

But there was something else happening in that very same moment. Something Mary, John, nor even we could see. But Jesus saw it. He knew with those very words he also spoke healing into another woman’s heart and transformed her shattered motherhood.

Five years ago in the seventh pew on the left at an Ash Wednesday Service I walked the Via Dolorosa with my Savior. Every last thing I had done and left undone; all I had said and left unsaid I saw nailed to that tree. How could this man freely endure my penalty? How could I watch the pain my life had lead Him to bear? Deep into every pore of my rigid heart I felt the pain and anguish He suffered because of me. He endured all those years of my repeated disappointing choices. Every drop of blood on His body, each bead of sweat on His brow represented a point on the map of my sinful past. Yet as they rolled down His beaten face and puddled on the dusty ground my past was wiped clean, erased.

At the cross all those generations ago and a few years ago within these walls Jesus transformed my aborted motherhood. Thinking of the daughter He adored with abundant and unworthy forgiveness He suffered my sins to reconcile the brokenness in my life.  My failed maternal relationship was recognized, presented to my heart and the difficult healing process took its first baby steps.  Woman, behold your son. I had to become acquainted with the life He created and I ended in my womb. Son, behold your mother.  I had a son who will honor me one day in heaven, as his mother. We were joined together, a new family.   On the cross my Savior was extending the family from a mere physical mother and son to a spiritual healed and whole relationship.  What I had fractured into a million pieces with my selfish decision Jesus gathered up in His nail pierced hands and fashioned mercy, grace  and forgiveness from soot and ashes.

I tell you tonight Jesus longs to do that very same thing for you. He cries out on the cross for you to behold your sin in the light of His love and sacrifice. He longs to wash you of all the dirt and grime sin leaves behind and make your face radiant with His light. It does not matter what you have done or how unloved you think you are today. He desires to lift your head and speak, Behold my child your new family. So what now? Do we attempt to pick back up all the wounds and pain, thumbing our nose at His gift? Do we insist we have control of our lives? Do we think we can do a better job? Do we refuse to see the pain our sin has produced on the cross? How do we begin to say thank you?

I was able to share this message God gave me on the recent Good Friday Service. We had a very moving service where seven of us shared our thoughts on the seven final phrases uttered by Jesus on the cross. I continue to be amazed at how He uses the missteps I have made to sing of the glory He can bring to others lives. I hope this simply begins my Thank you not to Him.

God cut in.

During the past few weeks I have been involved in a Beth Moore bible study on the book of James, Mercy Triumphs. Any of you who have taken a Beth Moore study before know that she has a way of speaking the truth of God’s word while confronting you with your issues. Well, today that moment happened for me in a room with a few ladies I know and a few I am learning to know.
In the book of James, the half brother of Jesus, is teaching us the black and white of God’s word. The opening verses of this book tell us to consider it joy when we face trials of many kinds. The joy James mentions is not the warm fuzzy we often feel from a good mood or a sunny day, but it is biblical joy which is attached to an event in our lives or sometimes a trial. It may seem hard for us to understand but anguish and joy are close friends and often chase each other around, on the playground.
As Beth explained the relationship of anguish and joy on her video she laid out five ways these kissing cousins were related. One being that anguish and joy can coexist. The second point was that anguish and joy can trade places. The third was that anguish can morph into joy. Fourth was mental anguish can be like the mind in labor. Lastly was that anguish is meant to lead to birth. In the discussion of all these points it was the last two that churned my stomach from a calm empty to a tangled knotted mess. The best way to explain about those last two points with women is child birth. How they felt in the anguish of the act of birth to the joy of the life they will now nurture. All the women in the room were chuckling and nodding their heads in agreement, all that is but one. I sat blank because I could not identify with the example. I understand the anguish angle now, it was all I could pin point.
If you have read my blog before you know that I am a post-abortive woman. What you may not know is that I have never had an earthly child. The class went on but a conversation was taking place in my mind between the devil and my past. He invited me to run from church yet again, like I did 19 years ago. He stated that I would never fit in with these “mothers”. We wrapped up the group in prayer but I felt so far from God. All I could hear was the unhurried tick of the wall clock and that voice of the evil one. I believed moments ago in the truth of God’s word. I understood that we will face many trials and that the joy from the Lord can follow when we lean on Him and persevere. Three years ago I lived the words in Isaiah 61:1-3. I had emerged from the ashes of my past to the radiance of a daughter of the King. Now none of that seemed important. All I could hear and taste was the absent place of my womanhood.
I turned to leave displaying a counterfeit smile. A dear mentor called my name and I turned hoping for a church related question which would allow my mind to shift to a pleasant distraction. However, she said, "I am so sorry, I can not even begin to imagine how difficult that lesson must have been for you." I  answered her with the truth we were just taught with such authority, that my heart began to open.
I got into my car and left. Looking up at the red-light, I begged God to come near to His aching child. Perched there above my head on a power line in downtown Crawfordville were three birds. The Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit in winged form. My heart melted a into a smile. I could hear the song from my car speakers, “So we are His portion and He is our prize, drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes. If grace is an ocean we're all sinking. So heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss and my heart turns violently inside of my chest. I don't have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way. That he loves us, woah, how He loves us.” My heart melted a little more. At the bend of a nearby curve circling over my head was a flock of birds dancing with each other seeing who could soar higher. Joy filled my heart and the devil went away.
As the devil drug me out on the floor; God cut in with shame and joy in harmony. I may not understand the birthing process but one thing I do understand is that I refuse to allow the devil to steer me backwards. Anguish does lead to birth! That Sunday afternoon the devil never got comfortable. With hands raised in praise, I gathered even more joy and passion to share God with others. I no longer have time for regret.  His mercy created in me a passionate ministry.

No Net?

Do you ever feel alone?
No I mean really alone?
Like the Savior has done enough?
You’re supporting it all and your shoulders are giving way.
Trying to be the perfect wife, sister, daughter and friend but still not pulling your weight.
Feeling there is more you can take on, more you could do, more ways to help.
Sitting waiting for the inevitable and preparing for the crash.
Ready to scoop up all the mess around you, heal the pain, wipe away the tears and sing praises.
When meanwhile you’re falling fast and there is no net.

As I was clearing out some old books I found the above poem scratched desperately on the back of an old email. As my eyes retraced the words on the page, I was transformed back to the day I wrote it. I remember sitting in my car in the parking lot of my work place in Ocala. I can remember the pain and desperation I felt. I was overcome by a sorrow which blackened my heart. I silently beseeched the emptiness for a reprieve. But there I sat transferring my ache to a white sheet of paper. The more I wrote the more I felt trapped in a cage I let no one else see. Standing right next to me that day was my Savior with a key to the door. However, I was so terrified of never finding the bottom of the pit that I failed to hear my Lord inviting me to jump with faith into His net of unwavering love.
“We have escaped like a bird out of the fowler’s snare; the snare has been broken, and we have escaped. Our help is in the name of the LORD who made heaven and earth.” Psalm 124:7-8 What a mighty Savior who continued to pursue me regardless of my ability to turn tail and run faster and farther. Even though I can remember that day and feel each cold tear stream down my face I am no longer that scared girl hiding in dark desperation. I am thankful today for a glimpse back at how far He has carried me from my murky rusty cage to His radiant light and life. I still have days where I feel down and frustrated but I now run toward my Savior with outstretched net like arms. I rest in His lap and listen to the symphony of His sweet truth that I am worthy, beautiful and free.

Sanctity of Human Life Sunday

This day was originally designated in 1984 by President Ronald Reagan to inform and honor the importance of life. It is placed on the calendar to mirror the date Roe vs. Wade was passed into law, January 22nd 1973. Since then many churches and pro life groups use this day and month to inform and educate others on what God says about life and its value.
Over 19 years ago if someone told me I would be standing here today telling you about this event I would have told them they were crazy. For me this day always brought painful reminders of my choice. I never set foot in a church on this day. I never heard a pro-life pastor sound the call to a congregation. I had however, been smack upside the face with displays in a church yards. Is this display attention grabbing? Yes. But is it healing? Is it inviting?
Last Sunday Pastor Mike shared with us what makes up the heart beat of the church. Invite, Inform, Involve. What a wonderful measuring tool to hold up to each of our events and our hearts as the church body.
In 2006 a woman named Rose Mawhorter stood across the street from an abortion clinic with a gory sign around her neck about what was happening in the four walls of the clinic. From behind her another woman ran at her, knocked her to the ground and with screaming and ugly words ripped the sign from Rose’s neck. The woman ran into the street clutching the sign and fleeing with everything she had from the scene. There were many comments on Rose’s website about the events. Many said she had most likely had an abortion and she just could not deal with the truth. The individuals who caught this event on tape said these words. ” I was the cameraman on the day Rose was assaulted and can tell you clearly that your reaction is probably right on. I too thought that she must have been very hurt by her experience. To have such anger pent up that a mere demonstration causes her to explode in such a way tells me she should be getting help.” Yes, this woman does need help but the people at the protest that day were so blinded by the issue they were championing that they only saw this attack as way to make pro-life the victim. Was their mere protest healing? Was it inviting?
Let me share with you a different example. A woman from Texas named Abby Johnson was a successful director of Planned Parenthood. She had climbed the ladder of the organization and was doing well at her job. Outside the clinic a group or Christians daily went to gather and pray. They often spoke to Abby as she walked to and from the doors to her job. One even gave her flowers and told her to have a good day. Abby saw them day after day speaking to the people who approached them. They were so different from the other protestors. They carried no sings they did not raise their voices; In fact most of the time they simply knelt in silent prayer. One day Abby Johnson exited the doors of that clinic, walked up to those individuals and asked for help. You see she was ready to make a change and to leave the job which she finally saw as hurting and not helping. She needed help and hope and she went to those peaceful demonstrators. They embraced and hugged each other and prayed. Abby Johnson felt invited.
Paul says in his letter to the Church in Corinth these words. “Dear brothers and sisters, I close my letter with these last words: Be joyful. Grow to maturity. Encourage each other. Live in harmony and peace. Then the God of love and peace will be with you. We can be a body of Christ allowing judgment and condemnation to become healing and restoration. We can Invite, inform and involve. We can reach out and love those people who God places in our church, or work place, our school and our path with understanding and hope. I know we can because it was done with me. I was invited by many of you to come to this church. I was informed by many of you God’s love for me and the truth of the forgiveness for my mistakes. I was asked to be involved to spread that love outside these walls by many of you. We all carry burdens and mistakes from our past. I pray that on this Sanctity of Life Sunday we will understand and see that all life has value and with the love of Christ in our hearts and extended through our hands we can draw others to that same love we so dearly praise here Sunday after Sunday. This month we have been collecting diapers to share with others in need. So far you have brought in 850 diapers which will be donated to the Wakulla Pregnancy Center. Regardless of how different their choices in life are from yours you are showing God’s love. Invite, Inform and Involved. For all life God created is precious and has value no matter the mistakes and burdens it holds.

I was blessed today to bring the above message to my church family. I am continually humbled at how God can and will use us if we step forward in faith. He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly, and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God. Micah 6:8 During this month set aside for the Sanctity of Life may I always remember that all life is created and valued by God. From the womb to the grave and especially those holding on to a burden of shame and guilt which robs them of the life planned for them. May we as your people learn to heal and not hurt each other.

Through the Storm

I woke up Wednesday morning to flashes of light followed closely by booming thunder. Normally I would stay in bed a little longer and talk myself out of placing my feet on the floor. However, I knew that due to the wicked weather outside I would need extra time to wade into work. Driving in the rain is not one of my favorite things and I was already getting white knuckles and hives thinking about my path to work. There is always something about a stormy morning that takes my attitude straight into a deep dark pit. I feebly sang praise songs as I drove and played with the speed of the windshield wipers. My thoughts were mottled and empty of any of the joy I normally had in my drive time with my Heavenly Father.
As I parked close to the building I struggled with my new umbrella. Finally bulling it to open, I rapidly walked towards the door. All I could think of was if only this day would have started brighter. I did notice that even the birds did not like this day because they were nowhere to be found. I missed seeing them and hearing the welcome of their song as I began my day. I wondered how long it was going to rain and what I would do for lunch if I could not get out and walk around the park. Maybe I should have worn something warmer or possible different shoes. I wanted things to change so that I could change my attitude. I was doing nothing but complaining while I waited for things to change.
Sitting at my desk I begin to fix my spread sheet and print out a report that needed to be checked and balanced. I gazed out the front window wondering if the rain had stopped yet. I saw the clouds beginning to separate and the sun peering through. Then I noticed about 10 birds circling above the trees. They dipped over and under each other repeatedly. I could feel their joy in finally being able to take to the sky again. It was then I felt a nudge in my heart. “Be still, and know that I am God!” Psalm 46:10 The birds have this verse built into their very nature. While I spent the morning complaining about all my circumstances they laid low in the brush and waited in silence. Once the weather cleared they soared to the highest point and celebrated, praising the only way they knew how. I pray I will learn when those storms of life come I can wait silently under the shelter of my Savior. May I have faith in the knowledge that He is God and when the storm passes may I choose to honor His promises with much soaring and praise.