I aint missing you at all.

"Every time I think of you, I always catch my breath and I'm still standing here and you're miles away and I'm wondering why you left. And there's a heart that's breaking
down this long distance line tonight. I ain't missing you at all." Tonight the words of the John Waite's 80's song are frozen to my heart. For the past few days my soul has been filled with sorrow. I really could not put my finger on the reason until tonight. A year ago today my Grandmother died.

Mary Wylie was a wonderful God fearing woman who taught me so much about the grace of Jesus Christ. She always had a kind word on her lips and her hand extended in giving. I rejoice in the knowledge that she is with her best friend and Savior, however I mourn for the lost of her daily presence in my life. "He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." (Revelation 21:4) After days of soul searching on my own with no relief I turned to his word and find the comfort for which I had been searching.

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. (John 14:27) How miserable I was trying to find comfort on my own. Waiting for relief from reading, eating, sleeping, filling my schedule or waiting for solutions from friends. We will never find that soul filling comfort from the world, they are truly the devil's distractions. How amazing that God's peace spoke to me through the memory of my Grandmother. She would have pointed out those verses to me. She would have tuned my eyes back onto the bearer of our every burden, Christ our Savior. Physically she is not with me to vocalize her wisdom however she was the vehicle God used to put my feet back on the path.

I do not have to be bogged down in the problems of this world. I do not have to long for the absence of my Grandmother. She is all around me still teaching me how to be a more faithful child of God. In fact God's word reminds me that I will be reunited with my Grandmother one day soon. After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever. (1 Thessalonians 4:17) What a wonderful promise God makes with us. Thank you Grandmama for being there for me today the special one year heavenly anniversary. "I hear your name in certain circles and it always makes me smile, I ain't missing you at all."

My love letter to the Heavenly Father.

Night has fallen quickly today. My thoughts turn just as fast to you. The sun has lays down to sleep and taken with it my cheerful light and warmth. A deep purple is the color of the sky my heart, it's compliment is blue. For without you the sunset is just not the same. The dark shadows of the trees in front of me become a great wall to keep me from my homeland on the other side. Maybe the night does not understand how lonely I feel. That even with every noise, light and shadow to keep me company it is not the same without you. If only your voice could talk to me like the crickets, or touch me as softly as the tree branch that brushes my face. I am no stranger to heartbreak, just an alien to the loneliness. My shadow upon the ground tries to comfort me, but it only seems to be stepping on my toes. The lights dance on the water for me but their rhythm appears distant. Above me a starry sky winks a message that I am not alone. For they tell me you made the blanket of light I gaze upon in silence. But what if they are full of lies and broken promises? Could the heavens be trying to please me for the moment? I wish upon a falling star they are not just protecting my poor heart. The moon appears to be embarrassed and hides behind the shadow of the sun. At least the man on the moon knows my heart can not take a bath in his light without someone to hold my tiny frightened hand. For it is only with you that my heart stops aching and my hand forgets it's shaking.