Who are you Fooling?

I just love every Halloween seeing the costume my niece has chosen to wear. She has been everything from a lady bug, to a pretty witch and this year an owl. Her costume included a long shirt her mother glued felt feather on, tights and a felt feathered mask with a yellow beak. She looked great and the most favorite part for me was her mask. As I watched her and her friends dressed up posing for pictures I saw a sorceress, a kitty cat, an owl and wonder woman. How great they looked but under those costumes I knew who each one was and what they really looked like. At Halloween we may put on masks and become characters different from ourselves. Some may not recognize us in our disguise; however those who are in our lives know who we are and are not fooled by our masks.
As I drove home that night I could not help but think about the “masks” we wear in our daily lives. Often times I act a certain way because I think it is how those around me expect me to appear. I may smile and say things are great when inside I am hurting and lost. Sometimes I may laugh and pretend to be happy when I am really angry and want to yell. Most of my friends can see through my false facade and reach out to the real me.
What about the “masks” we wear in our walk with God? Do we sometimes tell Him we are happy and great when we really are confused and frustrated? Do we not ask forgiveness for a sin because it seems so awful that He would not love us anymore? Do we think that we can hide for those around us including God if we just choose the right mask?
Who can hide in secret places so that I cannot see them?” declares the LORD. “Do not I fill heaven and earth?” declares the LORD. Jeremiah 23:24
Even if we think that we have the best “mask”, one which pleases all those in our lives God is not fooled. We cannot hide from Him no matter what disguise we pull over our heads. You see as declared in Psalm 139:13, He formed you in your mother’s womb. He made every part of you and knows what is in your heart before you even speak any words. As pointed out in Jeremiah, God created the heaven and the earth and all the things therein. Do we really think that a God capable of those things could not see past our mood mask? Whatever you find yourself struggling with today remember to take off the mask and be real with God.

I have learned.

I may not have had the strength to bring you into the world but I have learned to love you.
I will not ever hold your hand to help you cross the street but I have learned to love you.
I won’t see your first report card or attend your graduation but I have learned to love you.
I missed the opportunity to see you mature and become a man but I have learned to grieve for you.
I have shed tears for what you might have been or never will be but I have learned to grieve for you.
I now know great joy that He has forgiven and you rest in His arms so I have learned to let you go.

Blessed are those who mourn.

Blessed are those who mourn for they will be comforted. Matthew 5:4. This passage was for me the turning point in my relationship with God. Last year as I participated in a post abortion bible study I experienced mourning on a level which was both extremely painful and wonderfully healing. When I could really mourn for my aborted child I realized the truth God had for me in that verse. For in dealing with the dirty evil of my sin and all the ways it effected my life I felt God's arms around me whispering, that is why I sent my Son. It was at that moment I sat in "sack cloth and ashes" for all the sins I had committed and mourned how I had allowed Satan through his lies and untruths to build a wall that kept me from God. He promised in the end of that verse that we will be comforted for He is close to the broken hearted. He comes to us with comfort at that moment because for many of us that is the first time we are able to sent aside our agenda and be real with our Father. Those moments we spend on our knees in truth and surrender lay a foundation for us to stand in his love. When it comes down to it we have to be alone with Him to get to the bottom of what keeps us from the awesome power He can use in and through us. In our culture we often mourn alone for it is there we feel we can be emotional without feeling like we are making others uncomfortable. The spilling out of our emotions leaves room for God to fill those now empty places with His love and forgiveness. As the granddaughter, daughter and wife of funeral directors; mourning as always been something I thought I knew about. I always associated it with death and grief of a loved one. However, when looked at as an adjective it means sorrowful through loss or deprivation, bereft of hope. When you mourn your sins you often feel so dark, alone and hopeless. The beauty of that moment is you finally see that you are not in control of your life and you need God. Can you go through life being a fruitful Christian and not having that moment? For me the answer is no. We have to deal with the realness of our sins, whatever they are for us, to understand the magnitude of Jesus. Without the gift of His Son we would be in a constant state of mourning.

Gone Fishing!

A town surrounded by springs, lakes and a stone’s throw away from the coast, Crawfordville could be considered a nature lover’s paradise. Any given weekend you could find this note on your neighbor’s door, “Gone Fishing”. This summer, when it came to Crawfordville United Methodist Church, you would find a much different note taped to our door; “Gone Missioning” As a congregation, under the leadership Pastor Tony Rosenberger we embarked on becoming a mission driven church. We desired to truly embody the Methodist’s mission; “We exist to make committed disciples of Jesus Christ for the transformation of the world.”
We have been exploring and moving slowly toward that mission statement for a number of years. Our church has sent teams to Ecuador the last four years, opened a successful food pantry two years ago and began a diaper drive Sunday this calendar year. Last summer we built upon a summer feeding program which we participated in for a number of years. However, this summer be adopted that statement on a whole new level. It began by examining “missions” from a different definition. Understanding the history and importance of international missions to Christianity we wanted to broaden what we thought of as, missionaries. We asked the questions, where are the hurt, needy and poor in our community and how can we be the church to them. Many issues came to mind from children of the poor to those struggling to overcome addiction, people who were homebound and taking better care of God’s earth. With these concerns in mind we tapped into organizations and outreach groups in our area partnering with them to help fill their needs both physically and spiritually. The summer activities formed from these ideas were; a going green recycling project, summer feeding program, building wheelchair ramps for the homebound, sharing meals and fellowship with a women’s transition home, mission to Ecuador, and a back to school health and wellness fair.
God made us from the dust of the earth, therefore we are part earth. (Gen. 2:7, 3:19) This point speaks to why we wanted to start a green campaign. Recently we remodeled our kitchen and added a commercial dishwasher. This purchase allowed us to cut our trash from Wednesday night dinners in half. We began using cafeteria style trays and silverware rather than paper plates and plastic ware. After dinner individuals place their silverware and dishes on a cart that can easily be rolled into the kitchen to be washed and trash can be separated into out different recycling bins. The plastic bins are located in a high traffic area and labeled clearly with picture examples of what can be recycled. Products for recycling are dropped off at a nearby location by church members.
This summer the existing summer feeding program that was such a success for us last year at another location found a home in our church. The program was two weeks long and provided breakfast, lunch and Christian based enrichment for needy children in our community. We were able to arrange with our school system to have a bus pick up enrolled children each morning at a central location. Many of the congregation were involved in providing enrichment, fellowship and preparing meals for these children. The wonderful blessing from this years’ summer feeding program was a stronger relationship with the families of these children. Many even returned for a week of vacation bible school with the children of our congregation. It was truly heartwarming to see our youth reach out to these children and make new friends.
We worked through Ability 1st, a local charity, to build a ramp for a wheelchair bound woman who had to be carried in and out of her home for doctor visits. Around two dozen church member from old to young turned out on a Saturday for the opportunity to be Jesus in a tangible way. It took a couple of days to complete the ramp. When we finished there was a new ramp and a clean mowed yard. We learned we did not need special skills we could serve with simply a desire to help. Many of our youth said it made them feel so blessed to get their hands dirty with service for someone they did not even know.
For about six months or so we as a church had been helping Radical Restoration ministries, a local transition home for women, with a monthly check. We decided we wanted to do more with these women than simply provide for physical needs. A couple of nights a month we take a trip to their house for fellowship. It began with taking toilet paper and soap to sharing dinner and conversation. Now these four women, changed by the salvation of Jesus Christ are our friends. Seeing the light of Jesus on their sober faces and hearing about how their lives are being restored by the fire they have to spread the good news burns in our bellies every time we are with them. We help them with their outreach projects and they also come to our church to join us in outreach.
The last Saturday of summer vacation we planned a Back to School Health and Wellness fair. We offered free school supplies, and health physicals to children. We provided health information for the whole family, and free gently used clothes. Our youth were instrumental in setting up, waving signs on the corner, directing traffic, filling bags with supplies and playing basketball with those who attended. At the end of the day we handed out school supplies for over two hundred children, physicals for around fifty and feed hotdogs to over three hundred. The environment was electric with smiles, laughter, and conversation with praise music in the background. Many we served were touch and took information about our church showing interest in wanting to join us in worship.
One of the most encouraging parts of the summer of 2010 was our youth. They rose to ever occasion we place before them. They agreed to do anything needed to just be involved in service. Our youth are on fire for God; hungering to know him and be more like him. Now they know what it is to be a servant to their community. What a shining example they were to our whole congregation.
So much activity it is tiring just reading all that God accomplished this summer at CUMC. Some might say all these events were too much; after all one congregation cannot save the world. Maybe in the future we should narrow our focus to one or two things. To them we would like to answer, no way. We cannot do it all, however God through our hands can accomplish great things. John Wesley summed this up in one quote; “Do all the good you can, by all the means you can, in all the ways you can, in all the places you can, at all the times you can, to all the people you can, as long as you ever can.” Many times things did not go right and we faced adversity but when we embraced the places in our community who needed God, he provided more than we could have ever dreamed was possible when we found ourselves, “Gone Missioning”

At the Foot of the Cross.

At the foot of the cross I come to witness His tenderness. The One God sent to show us love was chosen to wear my stain. He has done nothing to earn this punishment of death. But He will face it all till His final breath. Every last thing I have done and left undone; all I have said and left unsaid hang up there on that tree where a sinner like me should be. How can a man who offered only grace, mercy and love freely endure my penalty? How can I watch the pain my life has lead Him to bear. Why didn’t He say I do not deserve this and point a finger at the real culprit? With deafening silence He hung enduring years of my repeated disappointing choices. Each drop of blood on His body, each bead of sweat on His brow represents a point on the map of my sinful past. Yet as they roll down his beaten face and puddle on the dusty ground my past is erased, wiped clean. Thinking of nothing but the daughter He adores with abundant, unworthy forgiveness He suffers each mortal ache. Only the Son of God could die in my place with such beauty and grace. So what now? Do I attempt to pick back up all the wounds and pain thumbing my nose at His deed? Insisting I can do a better job? No, I must merely let my days and my ways say Thank you for what He has done!

From Hosanna to Halleluiah

Last night as the ticking of the clock continually reminded me it was past my bedtime I could not help but think about Jesus and the week before Easter. For me the most reflective time on the Christian calendar is, holy week, the last week Jesus spent on the earth. My mind tried wishing me to sleep but I was filled with the realization that our Christian walk is very much like that final week in Christ’s life.

When we first become Christians was are so excited and it envelops so much of our daily moment to moment life. I was in high school the first time I really asked Christ to come into my heart. My whole attitude changed. I was on a mountain high and all I needed was God, I even broke up with my boyfriend. I often felt like yelling out loud all day praises to Him. Jesus’ ride into Jerusalem that day was filled with the people cheering and praising His name. They had seen who He was and understood that God had sent them a messiah who would save them and restore Jerusalem.

A few short days later Jesus was watched by the temple leaders of the time. They were looking for any reason to catch him and arrest him. They wanted Jesus out of their way. During the trial the same people who cheered and praised his holy name were calling for Jesus’ head. We can be just like those people. After a number of months or years of following God and His ways we begin to think we could do things so much better. We grow tired of doing what God calls us to do. We want to be in charge of our life. It seems so difficult and so we deny the one we loved and praised a short time ago to go out on our own way. Of course our way apart from God will eventually get us in trouble. Before we know it was are so far from Him, we are unrecognizable. Things seem hopeless much like they must have seemed to the disciples after Jesus was crucified. What a dark day we see in Good Friday. The one the disciples thought was the savior was killed and in a tomb. How brilliantly blessed we are to know this is not the end of the story. Jesus rose from the dead and appeared to his disciples to prove that through him death has no hold. In our own spiritual walk we become aware that we can not remain in the dark place of hopelessness. We must reach out to God and allow Him to change us into the creation He molded us to be from the time we were in our mother’s womb.

Can you image the emotions the disciples experienced for Palm Sunday to that miraculous Easter morning? When I glance at my walk with God is can witness all the steps from my first Hosanna to the grace of Halleluiah. I recognize that I will step along that same road from beginning to end several more times in my life. My prayer is that as I mature in relationship with Him I will spend less time in Good Friday and more time rejoicing on that Easter morning.

Comfort in our Baggage

Here I sit at 38 years old and all around me are bags, purses, duffels and luggage. I am aware that everyone around me can see them and also notice how much they hamper me from getting around easily. However, I pass plenty of people who have plenty of baggage puddle around their feet. The real question is what is in those bags, purses, duffels and luggage?

I few months ago I watched Children of a Lesser God. The main character is deaf and very angry about the actions of the hearing world around her. She keeps everyone at arm’s length, especially any one new and not a normal participant in her daily life. When she meets a new teacher from the deaf school they begin a relationship. He works very hard to break down her walls and let him love her. At one point he asks her if anyone has ever broken her heart. She explains with stoic nature that people do not hurt her. With much doubt concerning her words he asks her what would happen if she admitted she had been hurt. Defeated she replies that she would wither up and die.

Wow. I think that is why so many Christians have a hard time letting their baggage go. If we realized God and others knew the contents of our bags we think we would wither up and die. There is a big difference in being aware of God's grace, knowing His love and forgiveness, and exposing the contents of your gear. We are so familiar with our baggage and so comfortable at how heavy it feels. Letting that go means repenting and turning from that to a new direction. For me that is the scary part. I am pretty comfortable being weighted down with shame and regret. I am not comfortable turning from that comfort and moving in a new direction. We all remember that Robert Frost poem about taking the road less traveled and how he was all the better for it. I agree, how fantastic. 20/20 vision is always easy to see in hindsight. I yearn for that more than anything. But when it comes right down to it I worry that when I change directions I will wither up and die.

This little heart of mine.

Recently I had a birthday; of course the number is not important. I received many messages, gifts and cards from friends and family. There was one certain card from my parents that really hit a note with me. I want to share with you the words printed on my birthday card……What makes a daughter so special? It is not how she does her hair, the music she listens to, the clothes she likes to wear. It isn’t what the eye can see that brings a parent pride but the warm and caring person a daughter is inside. It’s her gentleness and laughter, the joy she always gives, her honesty and kindness, and the thoughtful way she lives. What makes a daughter special right from the very start? It’s the most important thing of all – the love that’s in her heart. Many parents adore their children and think of them as little faultless models fashioned from their love. There is not much about me that my parents are not aware of, good and bad. I have lied to them, turned from their path for me, disappointed them and made decisions which caused them shame and grief. The printed message with this card was also accompanied with a hand written note, “Perfect wording, couldn’t have said it better”. To know in a tangible way that they see a loving heart through all the grime of my missteps brings tears to my eyes.
My parents feelings expressed in that card made me reflect on what my heavenly Father sees. Of course I am aware that He puts little or no importance on the outside appearance. He can see the creation He made regardless of what the world notices. However, I wonder if He is please with the intentions of my heart. I hope that He sees in my heart how much I feel His love for me. I pray that His love shines through me on all those in my path. All I know is that every day I strive to allow His light to shine. I want my heart to be like His, kind compassionate, stong, tender and warm. Some days I think it does and some days I need to go back to bed and start all over. Does my heavenly Father find what my parents see in this little heart of mine?

Enslaved by old roads.

My journey as a child of God has held many turns and twists. I have made wrong turns, chosen detours, taken u turns and even passed on a double line. Recently, I navigated the rocky road of sin and found not a dead end but forgiveness. I finally understood how clean and pure Jesus makes us if we just ask and receive. It was such a moment of joy and hope for me. My relationship with God became more intimate and true. In this new peace I felt so filled with the spirit and I was eager to do and be whatever He wanted. I jumped out of bed smiling and my first words and thoughts were of my Savior. My face began to hurt from the grin which stretched across my face. My family and close friends continued to ask what was different about me. At some point I became more full of myself and less full of Him. God worked so hard to change me into the child He saw and I shamed it by becoming a spiritual snob.
I walked through each day reflecting the joy of the Lord on my face; however my heart was tainted by my indulgence with judgment. I viewed others in the light of how they should be if they would change and be closer to God like me. I was short on understanding and long on opinions. I was quick to suggest change and offer examples on what I had done right in God’s eyes. Soon the only company I felt was suitable to be around a “Christian” like me was……myself. I stopped allowing God to move through me and began moving Him with me. I only wanted those around me to feel the love, hope and freedom of forgiveness I felt. Rather than be His guiding light to those people I tried to blind them with the light. When we take over for God was ruin the plans He has written for us. I know that my actions have hurt a few of my friends and for that I ask forgiveness from them as well as my heavenly Father. Tonight in Galatians I found the following verse,”But now that you know God or rather are known by God how is it that you are turning back to those weak and miserable principles? Do you wish to be enslaved by them all over again? (Galatians 4:9)
I no long want to be enslaved by my old roads. Going forward on this journey I want to be a guide to those in my life. Listening to His leadings and conducting myself according to His plan. The road blocks of my past are where they belong.