Agape and the 5K.

In early October I took part in my first 5K. In previous years when others talked about running or entering races I always had one response. “The only way you would get me to run was if someone was chasing me. “ So I was just as surprised as my family and friends when I set out early the morning of October 8th to participate in the Run for Lawson.
My stomach was doing cartwheels as my mind taunted me like a school yard bully. What was I thinking? How was I going to finish the race I wasn’t even sure I could start? I inched my way to the very back of the pack and waited for the gun to signal the beginning of first chase. I pressed play on my iPod and cranked up the sound; both to give me the hope of the inspirational music and to drown out the thunderous beating of my heart.
The course itself was beautiful. The rolling hills kissed the early morning orange of the sunrise as the dew shimmered with a quiet response. I struggled with a quick walk on the inclines and ran cautiously on the downhill slants. I was enjoying a different time of worship with my Heavenly Father as His word in song pushed me along. Scamper along a path freshly mowed by the pounding of earlier runners I felt God with me. There was a constant whisper in my ear that I could do this through the One that gives me strength. (Philippians 4:13) When I grew tired I was reminded that if I trust in God I will run and not grow weary. I would be carried like the wings of the mighty eagles on the wind. (Isaiah 40:31) God was continually giving me encouragement and speaking His love over me. (Jeremiah 31:3) He promised on that course to show me His love if I would obey, putting one foot in front of the other.
Agape is defined in Corinthians 13:7-8 as patient, kind, humble, trusting, protecting, hopeful and unfailing. Recently in my bible study I have discovered that this love is not about emotion but about the act of surrender and a desire developed by need. It is a person throwing aside their own accomplishments and deeds to draw close to another with encouragement and support.
Around a bend and up a hill I could spot a wall of smiling people gathered to witness finish after finish. It was in that moment I knew I was going to complete this race. A feeling of intense victory washed over me. My breathing speed up and tears spilled over my checks like crashing ocean waves. I prayed for God to quiet my emotions and bring me to a strong finish. I gathered myself as I caught the sight of my family waiting at the end, cheering for me. I heard God tell me, Look up my love is here. There were unruffled, sturdy footsteps joining mine and an audible voice. “Go girl you got this, push it.” Over 20 minutes before my brother passed over this same black mat stretched out in front of me. But here in these last 200 feet he joined me and together we crossed the finish line. Here was God’s love; this was my tangible piece of agape.
My brother had already finished the 5K. There was nothing in it personally by crossing the line again. However, he knew his sister needed to know she was not alone. (1 Peter 3:8) He recognized I was weak and tired. He saw my need and responded with humble sacrifice. What a moment. A shared finish with a brother who was always beside me in love and support regardless of where I was, what I had done or if we agreed on the matter. My example of agape in tennis shoes and gym shorts running over a 5K finish twice!

Remembering

This past week Americans have been recalling and sharing where they were 10 years ago on September 11th 2001. I heard many stories about people calling family and friends or falling to their knees in prayer. Some told of picking up their children from school and being glued to the television set. In every report of that day people were changed and called to action in those very first moments. As I listened to the whereabouts of friends, coworkers and fellow church members I hoped no one would turn and ask me to share.
Ten years ago I was working in accounting at a Funeral Home in Ocala Florida. I was the supervisor for a single mother who made her living on drama and a prayer. So when she came to me that morning speaking with quick excited words about New York, a plane crash and turning on the radio; my reply was simple, “No Barbara, you have work to do and the radio is not appropriate as front office entertainment for our grieving families.” I went right back to my task a bit upset I had been interrupted. Moments later one of our pre-need counselors enter the back office visibly upset. When I asked what was wrong he recounted much of the same details I heard from my co-worker. My mind turned to how much time I was losing accomplishing the tasks on my “to do list” listening to the same stories I again. After a few moments he left the room and I went back to my work.
I was so foolish and ignorant, I must have seemed like a senseless animal to you. Psalm 73:22. These words written so long ago by David seem to best illustrate my indifferent actions that morning. It was not until about lunch time when I seemed to grasp the magnitude of what was happening to our Country. I was filled with fears, questions and dread. However, I was also overcome by my selfish actions and my lack of humanity. I could not even pry myself from my menial earthly duties to notice the mayhem around me. For jealousy and selfishness are not God’s kind of wisdom. Such things are earthly, unspiritual, and demonic. James 3:15 I was not just wrapped up that day in the coat of many me sins. That morning is just a mere reflection off the window to my heart. I conducted my days in a way that brought me pleasure and worldly success. I was a model employee often making the boss happy first and never stopping to relate to those around me.
Sunday morning, September 11th 2011, my Faithful Savior, graced me with a moment to alter my reactions ten years before. As my Pastor preached on the hope for America ten years after that fateful day, I understood. That day tore down a foundation that held such promise and permanence for us as Americans. Many swarmed to churches looking for what was still standing. We longed to know that in all the death and destruction something had survived. Then if my people who are called by my name will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sins and restore their land. 2 Chronicles 7:14 What still stood after all the fire, smoke and confusion, the same One who stood on September 10th 2001; the Creator of Heaven and Earth. You see it does not matter how I reacted in the past but it is what I now choose for my future. Ever since that historic day I have been awarded mercy and grace in Jesus Christ. I have crawled humbly towards the cross, spouting an endless list of sins and failures, turned my face to the light of His forgiveness and left my ugly, hard “to do list” heart behind. In exchange, what is left standing is the restored fertile land of my soul plowed, worked and harvested by my Faithful Everlasting Savior

My 129th Psalm

Since I was young others have tried to keep me from you Lord. They have packed my mind with words of hate and distrust. Often in their actions it seemed as if they won and I would always be worthless and polluted. You see, the things they called me made holes in my heart, but You Lord never let go. Your eyes looked at me with love and Your words of mercy and grace broke away the heavy shackles of sin. May those who are far from You come to know You and believe Your promises. May their wicked conduct and language wash away with the wave of Your touch. I pray they will trade their harvest of hate for the bounty of Your love. Together may we all be witnesses of Your healing forgiveness in a broken world. I will sing of Your love forever.

Coming Home!

I was cleaning out papers recently and found my Ecuador journal, June 2008. So hard to believe it has been three years since I found my way back home. I love that Jesus followed me all the way to Ecuador, changed my heart and carried me back home in His loving arms of grace and mercy. I wanted to share the beginning of my journey to a new relationship with Him here on my blog.

Thursday June 19th 2008
As the days here draw to a close I must reflect on what this trip has meant to me personally and spiritually. I find myself still amazed everyday with these children of Ecuador. They come to us with old dusty shoes, hand-me down clothes, sun chapped cheeks and hearts as large as the smiles on their faces. To share the love of Christ with them is such a blessing. They clap and sing with such joy as they watch our example. Their dark brown eyes are filled with wonder as they soak up every experience. To see their little hands make a simple cross of glitter and ribbon, color a picture of Jesus and make pictures with sidewalk chalk warms your heart like a pair of “toe-socks” on a cold wet night. God is in the faces of His children as they learn about His amazing love. It is a blessing far greater than I had ever hoped to experience in this third world country.
Later this evening I experienced another blessing during our group devotion. We gathered together to celebrate the Lord’s Supper. But first we were going to participate in a hand washing ceremony. We would wash the hands of the person on our left and tell them how we saw God at work that week through the activities of their hands. Pasto Tony was the person on my left and honestly as he dripped water over my hands fear mounted in my chest like cement. Many I have been close to that were pillars of the church have hurt me deeply. However, Tony spoke of the love of God I showed with the children and the “light that was Tiffany”. What a moment! I allowed myself to stand on the ledge and I had not fallen. I realized that Tony was saying the words that God would have said to me if He had been the one washing my hands. To have Tony know my sinful background and still see me, not my blemish, flipped a switch. I felt good enough, smart enough and gosh darn it people liked me! I then understood what God had been trying to say to me for years. I guess I just had to go o the middle of the world to finally receive it. What freedom it gives. I know that I will stumble and fall but the great thing is that God is there. He will pick me up, brush me off and send me back out there to do it all over again.
I learned so many things about myself. I learned that I love to laugh, smile, sing, give to others; and be myself. I learned that you are never closer to God than when you hold a child and no language has to be spoken. I have discovered that I can do things with His help and not cling to another’s coat tails. I have learned to make relationships that are mine and on my Lord’s conditions. I have seen the face of Jesus in those around me and in myself. I have found that I am important and not because of what my family and friends think but because I am His child. I am a child fully loved and totally forgiven. Most importantly I have learned to have a servants heart; a heart hungry to be filled with the things that the Lord has called me to do. I want to fill my soul with the love of Jesus. For with that love, my life could be a window which overlooks a scene of overflowing love, majestic acceptance and breathtaking forgiveness. As I lay down to sleep tonight this is my prayer for the remainder of this trip and all my days to come.

Cultivating the Fruits of the Spirit.

To me you were……………………….
His eternal love shared with the devotion of a Sheppard.
His unending joy to reach out to those forgotten, hurting and alone.
His calm peace in the very rainstorm of my stored emotions.
His sweet patience calling me to turn and find my way home.
His words of kindness spoken to the dark hidden secrets of my heart.
His perfect goodness after a world had used me and torn me apart.
His promised faithfulness that to Him I was worthy, cherished and forgiven.
His face of gentleness restoring my relationship with the God of grace.
And His quiet self control to hear my sin confessed and care for me even more.

After years of judgment and harsh words from Christian leaders in my life I was situated to live a life as a surface Sunday Christian. However, God had a different plan for my life. He directed me to a church in Crawfordville. There He used a new young Pastor to speak forgiveness into my heart and point me to the path set for me in God’s perfect will. In July of 2011, I wrote this poem to express to Tony Rosenberger the seeds he planted in my spirit. Because of Christ in Tony, I finally came to grips with my silent sin of abortion and left it at the foot of the cross. I praise God for strengthening Tony to share the truth of God’s love by the fruits of the spirit.

Prayers for Ecuador (Day Seven)

Father God,
How wonderful is the evening which you created. It is a time for us to rest and remember all the beauty of the day. In the early morning when we rise to begin the day you have planned for us; at night we praise you for the work you have lead us to do and we seek you to gain strength and guidance for the next day. Tonight, draw close to the team in Ecuador as they look back over an amazing week serving you through sharing the gospel to the people of Quito. Help them to remember that it has been a week of planting the seeds of your love everywhere their two feet touched ground. I am reminded of Isaiah 55:11, “It is the same with my word. I send it out, and it always produces fruit. It will accomplish all I want it to, and it will prosper everywhere I send it.” Lord, I remember how difficult it was to leave this place when you feel in your heart there is so much for to be done and so many to reach. Comfort the team and give them the peace of this verse. May they feel a sense of achievement for the completed mission you gave them for such a time as this. May they comprehend the fact that work is just beginning and will continue in Quito long after they are gone. Lord, the love that was shown through medical needs, VBS projects, smiles shared and soccer played has taken root in the hearts of your people. As the days, weeks and even years pass those roots will grow strong plants which will bear fruit at the time you have appointed. Thank you Lord that we are able to send your followers to other lands to do the work that you have for them. Please lock this trip and all it special moments and memories away in their hearts. May they use them to recall how amazing your love is and how faithful you are to those who fear and love you. “Praise the Lord all you nations; extol him, all you peoples. For great is His love toward us and the faithfulness of the Lord endures forever.” Psalm 117 How your love will now endure brighter and greater in Quito forever and ever. All glory and honor to you! Amen

Prayers for Ecuador (Day Six)

Father God,
I pause in the middle of my work today to give you honor and praise. Even though the sky you have planned today over me is cloudy I find some comfort in the shade. For it is during the rain that we can be refreshed and grow, making us shine brighter when you again bring the sun. Thank you for knowing just what we need when we need it and the mercy from you to accept those things as your well prepared plan. As wonderful as your love is to our soul, make us mindful to share that love with others and not keep it prisoner alone in our selfish joy. Proverbs 25:16 “If you find honey, eat just enough – too much and you will be sick.” Lord, help us to see your love for us as honey. Bring us to a place where we will hold on to enough to satisfy us and use the extra to share with those who are hurting and broken. I praise you for the ability through technology to hear from those in Ecuador daily. Hearing firsthand about the blessing they are giving and receiving is such an encouragement. Today I read in Proverbs 25:25 “Like cold water to a weary soul, is good news from a distant land. “ What a reminder from your word of the mission team in Ecuador. The “good news” from them brings the happenings in that distant land so close. Seeing the smiles on all the faces is like a satisfying drink of cool water. How it pleases me and quenches my soul. My heart drinks in every drop. As the days of the trip draws to a close lift up your people. Give all those on the team just enough of your sweet honey to feed them as they share your living water with all who are in need. When they feel tired spark the desire deep within them to press on looking to you for grace and perseverance. Bless this team Lord with more of you than they ever thought was possible this side of heaven. Amen

Prayers for Ecuador (Day Five)

Father God,
At the end of a busy day I come to me knees to rest at your feet. I come to spend some quiet time lifting up my friends on Ecuador. I remember reading in Your word today from Psalm 112. “Praise the LORD. Blessed are those who fear the LORD, who find great delight in his commands. Their children will be mighty in the land; the generation of the upright will be blessed. Wealth and riches are in their houses, and their righteousness endures forever. Even in darkness light dawns for the upright, for those who are gracious and compassionate and righteous. Good will come to those who are generous and lend freely, who conduct their affairs with justice. Surely the righteous will never be shaken; they will be remembered forever. They will have no fear of bad news; their hearts are steadfast, trusting in the LORD. Their hearts are secure, they will have no fear; in the end they will look in triumph on their foes. They have freely scattered their gifts to the poor, their righteousness endures forever; their horn will be lifted high in honor.”Psalm 112:1-9
The verses brought my friends to mind and especially reminded my heart of the people Quito. It seems like David is talking about Your very South American children. These people are hungry for truth and they find such joy in Your commands. They understand Your love with faith like a little child. May the example of our church members give them the hope of Your unfailing faithfulness and compassion. May they feel the light of love in their current darkness. May that very light stay behind and take residence in their hearts. May they become willing disciples for you burning with the desire to share Your love. Amen.

Prayers for Ecuador (Day Four)

Father God,
I am in awe today of your power. To know that you created us to last on earth a short time compared to your creations of the stars and planets yet you still love each one of us. You created time and space which were here before us and will be here after us; yet you planned each and every step of our being. How deep and how wide is your love for each of us your children? This attention to detail and the promise in your word that you know each hair on our heads is so far beyond my understanding. We confess that we do not always remember these truths. We often come to you with requests of selfish gifts. I am not even sure we can comprehend how small those needs compared to the plan you have written for us while we were yet in the womb. Today may we even if just for a moment live in the steps you have for our lives. Not next to them, beside or behind them. I pray that you so envelope our heart that we take each step inside your foot prints. Reaching out to those you have just for us, spreading your message through our mouths but as your voice. We long for each person who sees us to be blinded by the light of your Son shinning through the cracks of our sinful nature. We offer ourselves to you today empty, fill us and use us as your hands and feet. Thank you for allowing us to be your servants. Thank you that our smile can touch the heart of a child with no language necessary. Thank you for teaching us to love like you. Amen.

Prayers for Ecuador (Day Three)

Father God,
How wonderful and majestic is your name in all of the earth. You are the God of my city and you are the God of Ecuador. You are also the God of our hearts. From the large expanse of the universe to the small intricate details of our human hearts you control it all. Too often we forget that a God who made all things come into being can actually control and guide us better than we can ourselves. Today in the city of Quito I pray that the team will be fully aware of that fact. May each member use today to open wide their eyes, ears, mouths and hearts to you. God dwell in those places they are scared to give over to you. As they surrender do things through them that will bless your broken and hurting people. May you be glorified. May you be known. May you be lifted high today and everyday! Amen.

Prayers for Ecuador (Day Two)

Father God,
On this Sunday I have worshipped in a church with so many comforts; air conditioning, a piano, organ, sound system, cushioned pews and screens displaying music, videos and worship aids. At the same moment in South America my friends are worshipping in a church that doubles as a daycare and community center. Surrounded by concrete, they sit in plastic chairs and sing from a small paper handout. Thank You so much for the wonder of these two settings. Your holy spirit dwells in both places and is alive in the hearts of those seated in the pews and the plastic chairs. Your awesome love is not restricted to a particular community, state or country. I pray continued protection over the mission team as they begin their first full day in Ecuador. May all that they see and experience bring them closer to You. Open their hearts to the city they tour today but will serve tomorrow. Allow their eyes to see the beauty and glory around them which reflects Your creation. Prepare their minds to be Your hands and feet to the people of Ecuador. May all those they contact tomorrow see not people from America but the sweet glow of your mercy and love.

Prayers for Ecuador. (Day One)

Five very special people in my life left for a mission trip to Ecuador this morning. I wanted to take this time to share the prayers I will lift up for them everyday they are away from us.

Father God,
Thank You so much for a beautiful day set aside to worship You. I celebrate Your power and love for each of us, Your children. We confess that we do not always take full advantage of the times You give us to serve You. We are often scared and worried about how we are to do Your work rather than just doing Your work. I thank You that there are five of Your children from CUMC heading to Ecuador to be Your hands and feet. Thank You for the message of forgiveness and love You send with them. I ask that You be real to them today as they travel to South America. Comfort their fears, settle their nerves and uphold them with Your powerful hand. Amen.

God was riding a motorcycle Thursday night.

Have you ever had an encounter with a stranger and come away thinking you just saw God? For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline. 2 Timothy 1:7
Thursday night I had some time to kill before a gathering at a friend’s house. I slipped on some comfortable clothes and went for a walk/jog in the park. I was ready to stumble through the next step on the couch to 5K program. A nice breeze cooled my face and worship music set the pace for my feet. There were a number of people exercising on the park trail and we were all making the circle in the same clockwise direction. However, there was one older gentleman walking on the trail in the opposite direction. I noticed him at first for that very reason. When we first passed each other we exchanged smiles and a quick hello. The next time I came across him he said, “Good work, keep it up”. I have to admit it made me smile. The second time I was in a jog mode and he smiled and commented, oh yeah. At this point I was very encouraged by his comments on each lap and on time number four he simply smiled and gave me a thumbs-up. His effortless words of encouragement gave me then endurance for yet another lap.
On my last lap around the park I felt a true sense of triumph. Additionally, I could not shake the spring I felt in my step because of this man’s support to move forward. A smile spread across my face as I thought about how he cheered me on with each pass. Is there a parallel between God and the “encouraging” man? Did this man not do for me what God does for us daily? God sees each step we take and speaks words of encouragement giving us endurance to stay on the path. His words were not long or fancy they simply acknowledged my effort and urged me to continue on my course. I felt as if God was on that park trail with me in the form of a man I did not know. As I finished I waited for one last contact with the stranger but he was missing. Unexpectedly a black motorcycle mysteriously emerged and the rider put up this thumb and nodded. Yes, I think God would ride a motorcycle don’t you? May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you the same attitude of mind toward each other that Christ Jesus had. Romans 15:5.

My Portion.

I wanted to take this time to share what I have spent the last seventy days doing on my walk with my Heavenly Father. Below is my testimony on being delivered from the sin of overeating. I have been taking part in a program called, The Lord’s Table which is available on www.settingcaptivesfree.com website. I now feed on the Lord and He satisfies me better than any food ever could. He is the “bread of life” as well as the “living water”. Praise be to the one who has helped me lose 25 pounds and gain a closer more real relationship with Him.

I, Tiffany Conn, was a glutton. I moved through my days looking forward to the next time I would eat. I turned to food, in happy and sad times. I used food as punishment and as comfort. I worshiped constantly at the altar of food. I never missed a day or a time to serve the god of overeating. I tried and participated in many different diets and weight loss programs. However, I always failed and ended up right back at the table feasting on shame pizza followed by a double scoop of guilt. I was overweight, lazy, and unhappy. It was a deep cycle with no hope. I felt like a failure and lived chained to a wall, unworthy of anything different. God brought me to me knees to see I was living in sin. He helped me to see that I was worthy enough for His Son to die in my place. 1Timothy 1:16 "But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his immense patience as an example for those who would believe in him and receive eternal life." Even though I was not treating my body in ways that pleased Him he sent His Son to die for me and to show me how to live. I cried to God, admitted I could not help myself and I need Him to break me from the chains food had over me. Through The Lord's Table program I learned that my focus was on the wrong things. I was living for my selfish desires which brought me moments of temporary empty satisfaction. I now crave His word and time at His feet. I no longer gorge myself on empty calories but feast on the bread and wine He gives in His word and presence. I no longer attempt to live for what the world offers with lies and falsehoods. I place my trust in the One who forgives and loves. I still fall, we all will, but my focus is on the victory the Lord gives over my sin. I no longer have to work within my ability to control my eating but on the strength the Lord provides when I trust and obey His word. God came into my stomach and my heart and He brings the true fulfillment. Psalm 73:26 "My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."

What is under your sink?

A few Sunday’s ago I had the house to myself and thought it would be the perfect time to clean and sort the cabinet under the kitchen sink. I do not know about the rest of you but I am pretty good at not thinking about a mess especially if it is hidden behind wooden doors. So I got down on the floor and pulled everything out of the cabinets. In no time I was surrounded by pots, pans, cleaning supplies, scrub brushes, sponges, dish drainers and strainers. As I peered into the empty cabinet I was amazed at what I saw left behind.
Here is a little side bar, a few weeks before this cleaning project we had an exterminator at the house for a small mouse problem. They had all been caught and disposed of in their final resting places. However, I did not think about what they might have left for us to remember them by. I was grossly mesmerized by what remained under the sink. Small pieces of blue trash which use to be a sponge scattered from corner to corner with little black dung pellets sprinkled on top. I couldn't believe that all of this mess was under the sink and I never saw any of it.
As I began washing everything in hot bleach water and scrubbing down the cabinet with an endless supply of Clorox wipes I was hit with the realization that my heart was just like that space under my sink. If we do not often examine our hearts in the light of God and His word we will not see the dirt and sin strewn about from corner to corner. When we get in and begin to fill our heart with God and His love and grace the things once hidden become transparently evident. It is then that we can take stock of those things, ask God to forgive us and remove the muck which once littered our hearts. I pray God will bring to light the grime concealed under my sink so I can make more room for Him. So, what is under your sink?