I was cleaning out papers recently and found my Ecuador journal, June 2008. So hard to believe it has been three years since I found my way back home. I love that Jesus followed me all the way to Ecuador, changed my heart and carried me back home in His loving arms of grace and mercy. I wanted to share the beginning of my journey to a new relationship with Him here on my blog.
Thursday June 19th 2008
As the days here draw to a close I must reflect on what this trip has meant to me personally and spiritually. I find myself still amazed everyday with these children of Ecuador. They come to us with old dusty shoes, hand-me down clothes, sun chapped cheeks and hearts as large as the smiles on their faces. To share the love of Christ with them is such a blessing. They clap and sing with such joy as they watch our example. Their dark brown eyes are filled with wonder as they soak up every experience. To see their little hands make a simple cross of glitter and ribbon, color a picture of Jesus and make pictures with sidewalk chalk warms your heart like a pair of “toe-socks” on a cold wet night. God is in the faces of His children as they learn about His amazing love. It is a blessing far greater than I had ever hoped to experience in this third world country.
Later this evening I experienced another blessing during our group devotion. We gathered together to celebrate the Lord’s Supper. But first we were going to participate in a hand washing ceremony. We would wash the hands of the person on our left and tell them how we saw God at work that week through the activities of their hands. Pasto Tony was the person on my left and honestly as he dripped water over my hands fear mounted in my chest like cement. Many I have been close to that were pillars of the church have hurt me deeply. However, Tony spoke of the love of God I showed with the children and the “light that was Tiffany”. What a moment! I allowed myself to stand on the ledge and I had not fallen. I realized that Tony was saying the words that God would have said to me if He had been the one washing my hands. To have Tony know my sinful background and still see me, not my blemish, flipped a switch. I felt good enough, smart enough and gosh darn it people liked me! I then understood what God had been trying to say to me for years. I guess I just had to go o the middle of the world to finally receive it. What freedom it gives. I know that I will stumble and fall but the great thing is that God is there. He will pick me up, brush me off and send me back out there to do it all over again.
I learned so many things about myself. I learned that I love to laugh, smile, sing, give to others; and be myself. I learned that you are never closer to God than when you hold a child and no language has to be spoken. I have discovered that I can do things with His help and not cling to another’s coat tails. I have learned to make relationships that are mine and on my Lord’s conditions. I have seen the face of Jesus in those around me and in myself. I have found that I am important and not because of what my family and friends think but because I am His child. I am a child fully loved and totally forgiven. Most importantly I have learned to have a servants heart; a heart hungry to be filled with the things that the Lord has called me to do. I want to fill my soul with the love of Jesus. For with that love, my life could be a window which overlooks a scene of overflowing love, majestic acceptance and breathtaking forgiveness. As I lay down to sleep tonight this is my prayer for the remainder of this trip and all my days to come.
